Avoiding Comparisons with Siblings

Have you ever heard “oh but mom, so and so has it?” In my role as mom, I’ve heard this phrase when speaking about clothing, privileges and other material items such as bikes or computers.

When your children are comparing themselves to children outside your family, it’s quite common to answer with “things are different in so and so’s home than they are in our home.”

When the comparison is with a sibling, that answer is no longer valid. At one time or another both of my kids have said to me “but you let her do it” or “why doesn’t she have to do it?”

The answer is actually very simple. No two children are the same. Each of our children is unique in many different ways. They each have different strengths and weaknesses. They each have different perceptions and they each have their own unique personality. Each of these will play into our decisions as parents.

While it might not seem fair tonight that one child has to do the dishes while the other child does not, the word “fair” is very open to interpretation. The child doing the dishes might have just returned from a weekend get away that mom and dad helped finance. Or the child not doing the dishes might have cleaned the bathroom the day before. Fair can not happen at equal times for all children.

As a parent, if you don’t want your kids to compare themselves to each other, you also need to refrain from making comparisons between your children. One child might get better grades than the other. One child might be better at sports than the other. One child might have more artistic ability than that other. Each child is unique. Each will have those things they excel at and those things they need some assistance with.

Offer praise to each child on that child’s personal accomplishments and achievements.

When discipline is necessary, don’t share this information with anyone but the child receiving the discipline. When you speak of discipline in front of other children, it can cause bad feelings amongst the siblings.

Remember each of your children is absolutely unique. Remind them of this when they want to compare themselves to their siblings.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka