When my daughter was a high school senior, most rules were lifted. She no longer had a curfew. She was allowed to go out on school nights and she even had the option to not go to school when she chose not to.
While this might sound extreme, the reality is that she had 9 months to practice being a freshman in college.
The statistics of how many students end up on probation in college is staggering. Some of this might be avoided by allowing 17 and 18 year old teens more freedom while at home.
If your teen has used good judgment up to this point and if your teen has exhibited a sense of responsibility then it’s time to let go a bit and allow your teen to experience true independence.
As a parent it’s very difficult to watch your teen make a decision that you don’t agree with. It’s also wonderful that you, their parent, will be there to support them if their decision doesn’t quite work out as they had hoped.
Once they leave home you are not as easily accessible to support them through bad choices and difficult decisions.
Communication is important during this transition year in your teen’s life. Discuss their decisions. Don’t take control but offer your thoughts. Share your own experiences.
Let’s say your teen goes out on a school night and then can’t get up for school the next day. You have a few choices. You can allow them the cut in school, since it’s an unexcused absence. You can call in sick for your teen or you can force them to go to school. Remember, next year, they have the option to make this choice for themselves each and every day. What lesson do you want them to learn? For me, I wanted my daughter to experience falling behind from the decision to miss class. She did miss class a few times and then was overwhelmed with work, making the option to miss class a bit less attractive.
There are driving laws in most states. My daughter absolutely had to obey the driving laws and curfews set by the state. Until she was of age, she could not drive others. She was not allowed to be out driving after the state imposed curfew. These were not my rules but rules set by the state and not negotiable.
For teens that have shown good decision making, try allowing their senior year to be a transitional year where they get the “freedom” out of their systems, so they are ready to settle down and attend college the next year.
Audrey :)
http://mytuppeware.com/audreyoka
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Your Child and Sleep
Have you ever wondered why some children sleep through the night and other children get up multiple times?
I’m mom to two girls and one of them was a great sleeper as an infant and the other was very tough to put to bed at night.
One of my daughters loved her naps while the other daughter seldom napped and when she did, she then wouldn’t sleep at night.
Think to your adult years. Some adults are fine with five hours sleep. I know other adults who sleep nine hours per night. Personally I’m great at about 7 ½ hours, which for some is a bit too much.
Each of us is different. Children are different too. Some children are more active and burn off more energy. Some children love to play quietly which does not use as much energy as children who runs around outdoors all day long.
I always allowed my children to dictate their sleep patterns within reason. My eight year old was not tired at night. I was exhausted. She would go to her room at about 9 p.m. and was allowed to read for an hour or two until she became tired. She and I both woke up at the same time each morning.
My daughter that did not nap was allowed to not nap but I did ask her for some quiet time in the afternoons, just some down time for both of us.
Do you have a favorite pillow or favorite blanket as an adult? Often children have favorite blankets or even stuffed animals. These items bring them a sense of comfort. Comfort while sleeping is very important to a good night’s sleep. Allow your child that favorite animal or favorite blanket.
Turn sleep time into a more pleasant experience for both you and your child by recognizing that each child is different and will sleep differently. Allow your child to enjoy their sleep and sleep as needed.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
I’m mom to two girls and one of them was a great sleeper as an infant and the other was very tough to put to bed at night.
One of my daughters loved her naps while the other daughter seldom napped and when she did, she then wouldn’t sleep at night.
Think to your adult years. Some adults are fine with five hours sleep. I know other adults who sleep nine hours per night. Personally I’m great at about 7 ½ hours, which for some is a bit too much.
Each of us is different. Children are different too. Some children are more active and burn off more energy. Some children love to play quietly which does not use as much energy as children who runs around outdoors all day long.
I always allowed my children to dictate their sleep patterns within reason. My eight year old was not tired at night. I was exhausted. She would go to her room at about 9 p.m. and was allowed to read for an hour or two until she became tired. She and I both woke up at the same time each morning.
My daughter that did not nap was allowed to not nap but I did ask her for some quiet time in the afternoons, just some down time for both of us.
Do you have a favorite pillow or favorite blanket as an adult? Often children have favorite blankets or even stuffed animals. These items bring them a sense of comfort. Comfort while sleeping is very important to a good night’s sleep. Allow your child that favorite animal or favorite blanket.
Turn sleep time into a more pleasant experience for both you and your child by recognizing that each child is different and will sleep differently. Allow your child to enjoy their sleep and sleep as needed.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Monday, December 15, 2008
Tips to Try and Help Your Picky Eater
You’re sitting at the dinner table and you put 3 or 4 different foods on your toddler’s high chair tray. Not only does your child not eat any of the 3 foods, but your toddler starts throwing the food out of boredom. Sound familiar?
I too had a picky eater. There are many foods and ideas worth trying when you have a picky eater. I also suggest you involve your pediatrician. Your pediatrician can tell you if any type of vitamin or supplement is necessary. Your pediatrician can also tell you if there is a problem more complex than picky eating.
I should tell you that stress will affect your child. If you are stressed at every meal, your child will sense this. Also, if you are stressed at every meal, your child will begin to dislike meal time, and dislike eating.
I found the simplest solution for us when my daughter was quite young was to offer a variety of foods and let her choose the foods she wanted. When she could speak, I could verbally make offers to her and see if any of my choices appealed to her. Again, my goal was to keep both her and me stress free.
Some kids need their mouths stimulated. This can be accomplished through crunchy foods, or through very well seasoned foods, seasonings such as sour or even slightly spicy. We found that my daughter would eat many foods as long as she could dip them. We offered her ketchup, ranch, sweet and sour sauce, BBQ sauce and salsa. These dips were offered as she got a bit older. She would dip literally everything in these sauces. I would make her toast and she’d want a dip. It was hard not to chuckle at her breaking the toast and dipping it in ketchup.
When we were invited to anyone’s home, we always packed her meal. I always told our host up front that I would be bringing my daughter’s meal. If the host was upset, offended or asked me not to do so, we would decline the invitation. Most folks were willing to accommodate us. By packing her meal and not having to hope she’d eat what was served, it caused much less stress on everyone and made the entire day or evening much more enjoyable.
Have you ever had tempura? It’s a very light coating on the food, and then you fry the food. Because tempura is crunchy, we found my daughter would eat some foods as long as we coated them and fried them. One of her favorites was tempura hot dogs with tempura sweet potato. We cut both into bit size pieces, coated them and then served them. Yes, we would offer a dip also if she wanted.
As my daughter got older, she would go to the grocery store with me and she began to help prepare meals. She ate a lot of chicken fingers for dinners. Again, they were crunchy. She also ate fish sticks with their crunchy coating. Both foods could be dipped in sauces. Very often we made her one main course and the rest of the family a different main course. As adults, we are almost never put in a position where we MUST eat a certain meal, and where we don’t have an option to say “no thank you”. By allowing our children that same option we do them a greater service than if we argue, fight, bribe, threaten etc. Some picky eaters do outgrow their pickiness. Other kids carry this pickiness into adulthood. I know there are certain foods I still don’t eat as an adult.
If you believe there is a true medical problem, see your doctor. If you believe you have a picky eater, I strongly suggest offering choices and options to keep the stress out of meals.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
I too had a picky eater. There are many foods and ideas worth trying when you have a picky eater. I also suggest you involve your pediatrician. Your pediatrician can tell you if any type of vitamin or supplement is necessary. Your pediatrician can also tell you if there is a problem more complex than picky eating.
I should tell you that stress will affect your child. If you are stressed at every meal, your child will sense this. Also, if you are stressed at every meal, your child will begin to dislike meal time, and dislike eating.
I found the simplest solution for us when my daughter was quite young was to offer a variety of foods and let her choose the foods she wanted. When she could speak, I could verbally make offers to her and see if any of my choices appealed to her. Again, my goal was to keep both her and me stress free.
Some kids need their mouths stimulated. This can be accomplished through crunchy foods, or through very well seasoned foods, seasonings such as sour or even slightly spicy. We found that my daughter would eat many foods as long as she could dip them. We offered her ketchup, ranch, sweet and sour sauce, BBQ sauce and salsa. These dips were offered as she got a bit older. She would dip literally everything in these sauces. I would make her toast and she’d want a dip. It was hard not to chuckle at her breaking the toast and dipping it in ketchup.
When we were invited to anyone’s home, we always packed her meal. I always told our host up front that I would be bringing my daughter’s meal. If the host was upset, offended or asked me not to do so, we would decline the invitation. Most folks were willing to accommodate us. By packing her meal and not having to hope she’d eat what was served, it caused much less stress on everyone and made the entire day or evening much more enjoyable.
Have you ever had tempura? It’s a very light coating on the food, and then you fry the food. Because tempura is crunchy, we found my daughter would eat some foods as long as we coated them and fried them. One of her favorites was tempura hot dogs with tempura sweet potato. We cut both into bit size pieces, coated them and then served them. Yes, we would offer a dip also if she wanted.
As my daughter got older, she would go to the grocery store with me and she began to help prepare meals. She ate a lot of chicken fingers for dinners. Again, they were crunchy. She also ate fish sticks with their crunchy coating. Both foods could be dipped in sauces. Very often we made her one main course and the rest of the family a different main course. As adults, we are almost never put in a position where we MUST eat a certain meal, and where we don’t have an option to say “no thank you”. By allowing our children that same option we do them a greater service than if we argue, fight, bribe, threaten etc. Some picky eaters do outgrow their pickiness. Other kids carry this pickiness into adulthood. I know there are certain foods I still don’t eat as an adult.
If you believe there is a true medical problem, see your doctor. If you believe you have a picky eater, I strongly suggest offering choices and options to keep the stress out of meals.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Friday, December 12, 2008
Teaching Children About Consequences
I was so fortunate to have had a wonderful parenting friend when my children were young. The one thing she was so strong about was consequences. There are always consequences.
I somehow grew up and entered into adulthood believing that consequences were negative and a bad thing.
This is not true at all. Each action we execute has a consequence. If we show our children patience, the consequence is they grow up feeling secure and loved. This is a very positive consequence of our actions.
Through this friend I learned how to teach my own children about consequences. When my kids were in a position of having to make a tough choice, we spoke about the consequence of each of their options. If my kids spoke up or chose not to speak up when they felt a wrong had been done, we would talk about the consequences of the two choices.
If a child does not do their homework there are consequences. They won’t be prepared for the upcoming test. They won’t get credit for homework completed and their teacher will form an opinion that they are someone who does not complete the work. On the flip side if homework is always done and always on time very often the teacher will give you a pass on the one occasion you don’t have the homework ready. These are the two consequences of doing or not doing homework.
What about friends? Who our children choose to be friends with has consequences. If they choose friends who are not trustworthy or rather flaky they will often be disappointed. If they choose friends who can keep secrets, who are supportive and who always come through our children will have a very different experience socially.
Talk about consequences with your children. Let them know that each of their actions can and will have a consequences. It’s amazing how much more thought we put into decisions when we consider the consequences.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
I somehow grew up and entered into adulthood believing that consequences were negative and a bad thing.
This is not true at all. Each action we execute has a consequence. If we show our children patience, the consequence is they grow up feeling secure and loved. This is a very positive consequence of our actions.
Through this friend I learned how to teach my own children about consequences. When my kids were in a position of having to make a tough choice, we spoke about the consequence of each of their options. If my kids spoke up or chose not to speak up when they felt a wrong had been done, we would talk about the consequences of the two choices.
If a child does not do their homework there are consequences. They won’t be prepared for the upcoming test. They won’t get credit for homework completed and their teacher will form an opinion that they are someone who does not complete the work. On the flip side if homework is always done and always on time very often the teacher will give you a pass on the one occasion you don’t have the homework ready. These are the two consequences of doing or not doing homework.
What about friends? Who our children choose to be friends with has consequences. If they choose friends who are not trustworthy or rather flaky they will often be disappointed. If they choose friends who can keep secrets, who are supportive and who always come through our children will have a very different experience socially.
Talk about consequences with your children. Let them know that each of their actions can and will have a consequences. It’s amazing how much more thought we put into decisions when we consider the consequences.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Monday, December 8, 2008
Keeping Track of Your Children’s Toys
My own kids are both grown now. Today we had a five year old and eight year old visit us. The 5 year old wanted to play Candy Land which she found on our shelf. The game is well over 20 years old.
Often as time goes on, pieces are lost and games become unplayable due to the missing pieces or broken parts.
Here are some things you can do to stop the lost and broken game and toy pieces:
Keep small pieces in Ziploc bags. We keep dice, chips and any other small pieces in Ziploc bags.
Keep playing cards rubber banded together. We have a supply of the very thin rubber bands. These are great for keeping game cards together. If you want, store the cards in a Ziploc bag.
If the box corners tear, tape them together. Many of our boxes have tape on all of the corners to keep the boxes together.
Using a piece of scotch tape, tape the directions to the inside lid of the box. There is nothing more frustrating than going to play a game after not playing for a period of time and not having the directions.
Write your name on the bottom of the box. Often kids visit friends or attend sleep-overs and it’s very easy to lose track of a game. If your family name is on the bottom of the box, it is now very easy to have the game returned to you.
Create a spot to put the toy or game away. Often toys get lost because they get thrown into the bottom of the closet or pushed under a bed. If the toy has a home in the bedroom, it is less likely that the toy will get lost.
As the adult, you might consider an inventory list of what games and toys you have. Not only does this prevent duplicate items but also reminds you who owns the toy and who has some sense of responsibility for the toy.
Enjoy playing games with your kids. Help them learn how to properly care for toys and games and these products should last a long, long time.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Often as time goes on, pieces are lost and games become unplayable due to the missing pieces or broken parts.
Here are some things you can do to stop the lost and broken game and toy pieces:
Keep small pieces in Ziploc bags. We keep dice, chips and any other small pieces in Ziploc bags.
Keep playing cards rubber banded together. We have a supply of the very thin rubber bands. These are great for keeping game cards together. If you want, store the cards in a Ziploc bag.
If the box corners tear, tape them together. Many of our boxes have tape on all of the corners to keep the boxes together.
Using a piece of scotch tape, tape the directions to the inside lid of the box. There is nothing more frustrating than going to play a game after not playing for a period of time and not having the directions.
Write your name on the bottom of the box. Often kids visit friends or attend sleep-overs and it’s very easy to lose track of a game. If your family name is on the bottom of the box, it is now very easy to have the game returned to you.
Create a spot to put the toy or game away. Often toys get lost because they get thrown into the bottom of the closet or pushed under a bed. If the toy has a home in the bedroom, it is less likely that the toy will get lost.
As the adult, you might consider an inventory list of what games and toys you have. Not only does this prevent duplicate items but also reminds you who owns the toy and who has some sense of responsibility for the toy.
Enjoy playing games with your kids. Help them learn how to properly care for toys and games and these products should last a long, long time.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Talking to Your Kids About the Tough Subjects
When my 16 year old daughter needed a physical for a summer program, we went to visit our family doctor. I was asked to leave the room for a few minutes. I knew that while I was gone, the doctor would ask my daughter “are you sexually active?” and “are you using drugs or alcohol?”
I was a bit shocked when the front office gal told me that for some girls this is the only “talk” they get. However, as I thought back, I remembered having a conversation with one of my daughter’s friend’s mother when the girls were about 11. The mom told me she just couldn’t find the words to tell her daughter about her changing body. There is actually a wonderful book called Our Bodies Ourselves. My daughter read the book from start to finish and we talked about those topics she wished to talk about. The book has been updated many times to include all relevant topics to teens today.
As parents, I believe it’s our job to educate our kids on what I call those tough subjects. Whether we tell our children or not, they will learn about sex, drugs, and alcohol. I fondly remember my daughter coming to me one day and saying “mom I think so and so is bi”. Oh boy, a new phrase in our vocabulary to talk about. She was far too young to really have a friend who was bi, however this was now the phrase of the week that the kids were talking about. My choices were to talk to her frankly about what this meant or to allow her to learn from friends and possibly get wrong information. Of course I chose the frank discussion.
I know that discussing these topics can be very difficult. I often find that either a walk or a car ride helps make the discussion less difficult. Many miles have been put on my car speaking to both of my girls about difficult topics.
Books are another wonderful way to introduce topics. You can find books on absolutely every topic imaginable. It’s not necessary to read the whole book or even to have your child read the whole book. Sometimes just scanning the topics and summaries in a book can lead to wonderful conversations between parents and their children.
Today, with the internet, we can find articles and research on all topics. We can even find multiple articles and multiple opinions and commentaries on almost every topic.
Another method of introducing topics is to listen to or watch talk shows. I have spent hours discussing advice offered on these types of shows with my kids. By talking about a real situation and what advice we might offer the person asking for help, we are able to have frank discussions that are not brought up out of thin air.
I think as parents if we remember our children will learn about all topics whether we discuss these topics with them or not is encouragement to make sure our children know we are available for those tough discussions.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
I was a bit shocked when the front office gal told me that for some girls this is the only “talk” they get. However, as I thought back, I remembered having a conversation with one of my daughter’s friend’s mother when the girls were about 11. The mom told me she just couldn’t find the words to tell her daughter about her changing body. There is actually a wonderful book called Our Bodies Ourselves. My daughter read the book from start to finish and we talked about those topics she wished to talk about. The book has been updated many times to include all relevant topics to teens today.
As parents, I believe it’s our job to educate our kids on what I call those tough subjects. Whether we tell our children or not, they will learn about sex, drugs, and alcohol. I fondly remember my daughter coming to me one day and saying “mom I think so and so is bi”. Oh boy, a new phrase in our vocabulary to talk about. She was far too young to really have a friend who was bi, however this was now the phrase of the week that the kids were talking about. My choices were to talk to her frankly about what this meant or to allow her to learn from friends and possibly get wrong information. Of course I chose the frank discussion.
I know that discussing these topics can be very difficult. I often find that either a walk or a car ride helps make the discussion less difficult. Many miles have been put on my car speaking to both of my girls about difficult topics.
Books are another wonderful way to introduce topics. You can find books on absolutely every topic imaginable. It’s not necessary to read the whole book or even to have your child read the whole book. Sometimes just scanning the topics and summaries in a book can lead to wonderful conversations between parents and their children.
Today, with the internet, we can find articles and research on all topics. We can even find multiple articles and multiple opinions and commentaries on almost every topic.
Another method of introducing topics is to listen to or watch talk shows. I have spent hours discussing advice offered on these types of shows with my kids. By talking about a real situation and what advice we might offer the person asking for help, we are able to have frank discussions that are not brought up out of thin air.
I think as parents if we remember our children will learn about all topics whether we discuss these topics with them or not is encouragement to make sure our children know we are available for those tough discussions.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
