When my 16 year old daughter needed a physical for a summer program, we went to visit our family doctor. I was asked to leave the room for a few minutes. I knew that while I was gone, the doctor would ask my daughter “are you sexually active?” and “are you using drugs or alcohol?”
I was a bit shocked when the front office gal told me that for some girls this is the only “talk” they get. However, as I thought back, I remembered having a conversation with one of my daughter’s friend’s mother when the girls were about 11. The mom told me she just couldn’t find the words to tell her daughter about her changing body. There is actually a wonderful book called Our Bodies Ourselves. My daughter read the book from start to finish and we talked about those topics she wished to talk about. The book has been updated many times to include all relevant topics to teens today.
As parents, I believe it’s our job to educate our kids on what I call those tough subjects. Whether we tell our children or not, they will learn about sex, drugs, and alcohol. I fondly remember my daughter coming to me one day and saying “mom I think so and so is bi”. Oh boy, a new phrase in our vocabulary to talk about. She was far too young to really have a friend who was bi, however this was now the phrase of the week that the kids were talking about. My choices were to talk to her frankly about what this meant or to allow her to learn from friends and possibly get wrong information. Of course I chose the frank discussion.
I know that discussing these topics can be very difficult. I often find that either a walk or a car ride helps make the discussion less difficult. Many miles have been put on my car speaking to both of my girls about difficult topics.
Books are another wonderful way to introduce topics. You can find books on absolutely every topic imaginable. It’s not necessary to read the whole book or even to have your child read the whole book. Sometimes just scanning the topics and summaries in a book can lead to wonderful conversations between parents and their children.
Today, with the internet, we can find articles and research on all topics. We can even find multiple articles and multiple opinions and commentaries on almost every topic.
Another method of introducing topics is to listen to or watch talk shows. I have spent hours discussing advice offered on these types of shows with my kids. By talking about a real situation and what advice we might offer the person asking for help, we are able to have frank discussions that are not brought up out of thin air.
I think as parents if we remember our children will learn about all topics whether we discuss these topics with them or not is encouragement to make sure our children know we are available for those tough discussions.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
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1 comment:
I wish that my mother had known how to talk to me about the "tough subjects" then perhaps I would have been better prepared to talk to my own children.
I think it is difficult to find an easy entrance into the subject of sex. If you start too early with subjects that are beyond their understanding it can easily set the wrong tone. But if you wait too long they may have gotten too much wrong information from their peers and may consider a parent's talk as being too restrictive or even wrong information.
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