Dos and Don'ts in Parenting

Over the years, I’ve had many people ask me what my “secret” is when it comes to parenting. There is no secret. Every parent is different and so is every child. There are some dos and don’ts that can certainly make the parent child relationship much more enjoyable for everyone:

Don’t speak poorly of your child to your child’s friends or the parents of your children’s friends. I’ve been really surprised over the years when a parent speaks poorly of their own child to me. These are not my “friends”. These are the parents of my child’s friends. What if I repeated what the parent said? This could cause so much harm in the other child’s relationship with their own parent.

Do allow your child privacy. Unless you have reason to believe your child is doing something illegal or dangerous, allow them privacy. Don’t read their email. Don’t look in their backpacks and bedrooms. Don’t eavesdrop on their conversations. Imagine if someone did that do you. It shows lacks of trust and hurts the relationship.

Do tell your child how proud you are. If we look hard enough we can always find fault in others and we can always criticize others. Instead, invest the time to find those things that your child does well and then let them know how well they’ve done.

Don’t threaten your children if you don’t intend to follow through. Empty Threats cause children to not trust their parents. Empty threats teach them that they can not believe the words you speak and that you don’t follow through on your words. If you tell them they won’t be able to go out with friends, follow through. This teaches trust.

Don’t put your children in the middle of adult issues. There will be times that mom and dad disagree. Don’t ask your children to get involved or to take sides. Don’t badmouth the other parent to the child. Leave adult issues in the hands of adults.

Do allow your child to make mistakes. Even as adults, we make mistakes. There is a world of difference between a mistake and a deliberate action that is not acceptable. Offer support and encouragement when a mistake is made.

Do engage in conversation with your child. I have spoken to my children about most every topic. I respect their opinions even when I don’t agree. I allow them the opportunity to share their opinions just as they will listen to my opinions.

Don’t ask a child to keep an adult secret. The best example I’ve seen is a parent making a purchase they don’t want the other parent to know about. I’ve seen the parent say to their child, “Please don’t tell mom/dad about this.” This is not fair to your child. They should never be asked to keep an adult secret.

Do allow your children a say in meals. Allow them to have nights where you make what they like. Allow them to spend time in the kitchen if they’d like to.

Do tell your child how much you love them. There is nothing more wonderful than love from a parent.

These ten tips have helped me over the years in my relationship with my children. While we have certainly had our share of challenges, we’ve also had a wonderful relationship as they’ve grown and become adults.

Audrey :)
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