I got a phone call this past week. A popular t.v. show was doing a segment on divorce and they found the following article I wrote a while back. They really liked it. They thought it might be helpful to their viewers. So, I wanted to share the article with my readers.
When Parents Divorce Children Can Feel the Pain
Divorce is difficult for everyone. Divorce affects the two adults involved, plus their children, but it also affects extended family. Regardless of who “wins” custody, regardless of where the children live, these kids have two sides to their family.
The town I live in requires adults to take a class called “Child In The Middle” before a judge will sign the divorce petition.
I actually believe it would be in children’s best interests, if this was required in all towns. Even the most well meaning adults often, without realizing, put their children in the middle.
So, what are some of the things to avoid? Do not say to your child “go ask mommy” or “go ask daddy”. It is not up to the child to be a go between. It is up to the two adults to speak directly to each other, or through their attorneys if they can not communicate. When a child is asked to be a go between, and should one of the parents get upset with the message, the child feels they somehow are responsible, when they are just an innocent messenger.
Do not ask your child about your ex spouses new girlfriend or boyfriend. The kids are just as uncomfortable with this as you are. They don’t want another mother, or another father. They don’t want to have to betray you by liking the new person in their parent’s life. So make it easy on them. Don’t ask.
Don’t put your child in the position of ever having to choose. Remember one of you is mom and one of you is dad. It is unfair at the least to ask a child to choose. You both brought this child into the world. At one time it was fine for the child to love you both. Make it ok for the child to love you both today too.
Don’t speak poorly of the child’s other parent. Remember it was joint love that brought this child into the world. That child feels they are a part of both of you. If you speak poorly of the child’s other parent, the child takes it personally.
Do let your child know how sorry you are that they have to go to two homes, learn two addresses etc.
Do let your child know you will do everything you can to support their relationship with the other parent.
Do listen to your children. They often will guide you to let you know what they need.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Teens and Bulletin Boards
Both of my girls have always loved bulletin boards in their rooms. Bulletin boards allow you to change the room without having to repaint and without having to redo the room as your child goes the various phases of teen life.
There are so many themes a teenager can use on a bulletin board. Both of my kids collected quotes at one point. With multiple bulletin boards, teens can have a bulletin board with love quotes, a bulletin board with motivational quotes and even a bulletin board of quotes made by famous people.
Both of my kids also collected CD covers. How fun to put all of the CD covers on a bulletin board. When friends come over, the friends can see the CD covers and say “hey let’s listen to this”, referring to one of the CD covers.
One of my daughters used to go to the movies quite often. She saved all of her ticket stubs. Your teen can arrange movie ticket stubs on a bulletin board. She also had concert ticket stubs mixed in with her movie ticket stubs.
Many teens go through a phase of enjoying poetry. Poetry can be copied from a book, or written by your teen, or even written by a friend. Poetry can be on small sheets of paper, note cards, or even full sheets of paper.
Photos of teen idols are also very popular. I know there were times both of my kids would cut photos out of magazines of their favorite musicians.
Both of my kids also loved to exchange wallet sized photos with their friends. Both of my girls have created bulletin boards with photos of friends. As happens in the life of a teenager, sometimes two teens will have a falling out. Satisfaction could actually be found in removing a photo from the bulletin board. This is an action that hurts no one but allows the teen to express their own anger.
Bulletin boards are not just for girls. Many of my friends have teen boys and I’ve seen bulletin boards in their rooms also. Boys tend to put magazine photos on bulletins more than any other item. These photos are often of motorcycles, cars or the latest video game information.
When my younger daughter went to an out of state summer camp, she prepared a bulletin board here at home and packed it in her suitcase to take with her.
When my oldest daughter left for college, she brought lots of items to put on the large bulletin board that was already in place in her new dorm room. Even colleges know that teens love bulletin boards.
Next time your teen asks about redoing their room, suggest bulletin boards!
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
There are so many themes a teenager can use on a bulletin board. Both of my kids collected quotes at one point. With multiple bulletin boards, teens can have a bulletin board with love quotes, a bulletin board with motivational quotes and even a bulletin board of quotes made by famous people.
Both of my kids also collected CD covers. How fun to put all of the CD covers on a bulletin board. When friends come over, the friends can see the CD covers and say “hey let’s listen to this”, referring to one of the CD covers.
One of my daughters used to go to the movies quite often. She saved all of her ticket stubs. Your teen can arrange movie ticket stubs on a bulletin board. She also had concert ticket stubs mixed in with her movie ticket stubs.
Many teens go through a phase of enjoying poetry. Poetry can be copied from a book, or written by your teen, or even written by a friend. Poetry can be on small sheets of paper, note cards, or even full sheets of paper.
Photos of teen idols are also very popular. I know there were times both of my kids would cut photos out of magazines of their favorite musicians.
Both of my kids also loved to exchange wallet sized photos with their friends. Both of my girls have created bulletin boards with photos of friends. As happens in the life of a teenager, sometimes two teens will have a falling out. Satisfaction could actually be found in removing a photo from the bulletin board. This is an action that hurts no one but allows the teen to express their own anger.
Bulletin boards are not just for girls. Many of my friends have teen boys and I’ve seen bulletin boards in their rooms also. Boys tend to put magazine photos on bulletins more than any other item. These photos are often of motorcycles, cars or the latest video game information.
When my younger daughter went to an out of state summer camp, she prepared a bulletin board here at home and packed it in her suitcase to take with her.
When my oldest daughter left for college, she brought lots of items to put on the large bulletin board that was already in place in her new dorm room. Even colleges know that teens love bulletin boards.
Next time your teen asks about redoing their room, suggest bulletin boards!
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Eight Tips to Get Your Children Ready for Back-to-School
While the summer months are wonderful, a new school year begins each year. Over the years I have found several tips to help get my children ready for school.
1. Shop early – We buy school supplies and clothes early so that we avoid stress, and last-minute shopping, and we get our choice of products, versus half-empty shelves and racks.
2. Bus passes – Each school district is different and has different policies. Our school district does not have school busses. The kids buy bus passes for the public busses that, during school hours, are labeled for school only. These must be bought in advance and they will not sell more passes than seats available.
3. Lunch tickets- We can buy school lunch tickets prior to school beginning so that our children can have a hot lunch that first week of school while the lunch schedule is being made.
4. Visit the new school – As my kids began elementary school we went and visited the kindergarten classrooms and playgrounds. We even played on the playground a few times. We then revisited the school entering 1st grade. At the junior high and high school levels, it can help alleviate stress when you visit the schools ahead of time.
5. Plan your calendar – As soon as you know which days are short days, which days are school holidays and which days are school breaks, get them into your calendar. Also, as the kids begin their sports practices, make sure everything is in your calendar so that your child knows what their school week routine will be. A routine helps eliminate school-related stress.
6. Buying books – Often we have received letters from teachers or the school suggesting books we will need. This is especially true at the high school level when outside textbooks might need to be bought from the college campus, or specific reading books are being required by English teachers. Buy these just as soon as you can. In my town there are never enough books for all of the kids who need them. Our poor Borders is always stuck trying to rush-order reading books for the kids who didn’t buy early.
7. Visit the doctor – At different ages, immunizations or specific hearing and vision tests are required. Don’t wait. Doctor offices fill up and you don’t want your child penalized for not having the necessary shots or tests. Book your appointments over the summer to get everything out of the way.
8.Change your home routine – We always change our sleep routine one-to-two weeks before school starts. We start going to bed earlier and getting up earlier so that when school starts, we are accustomed to being up at 6:00 a.m.
We take each of these steps to try making going back to school as stress-free as possible. Last-minute rushes cause panic for everyone. Enjoy those first weeks of school.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
1. Shop early – We buy school supplies and clothes early so that we avoid stress, and last-minute shopping, and we get our choice of products, versus half-empty shelves and racks.
2. Bus passes – Each school district is different and has different policies. Our school district does not have school busses. The kids buy bus passes for the public busses that, during school hours, are labeled for school only. These must be bought in advance and they will not sell more passes than seats available.
3. Lunch tickets- We can buy school lunch tickets prior to school beginning so that our children can have a hot lunch that first week of school while the lunch schedule is being made.
4. Visit the new school – As my kids began elementary school we went and visited the kindergarten classrooms and playgrounds. We even played on the playground a few times. We then revisited the school entering 1st grade. At the junior high and high school levels, it can help alleviate stress when you visit the schools ahead of time.
5. Plan your calendar – As soon as you know which days are short days, which days are school holidays and which days are school breaks, get them into your calendar. Also, as the kids begin their sports practices, make sure everything is in your calendar so that your child knows what their school week routine will be. A routine helps eliminate school-related stress.
6. Buying books – Often we have received letters from teachers or the school suggesting books we will need. This is especially true at the high school level when outside textbooks might need to be bought from the college campus, or specific reading books are being required by English teachers. Buy these just as soon as you can. In my town there are never enough books for all of the kids who need them. Our poor Borders is always stuck trying to rush-order reading books for the kids who didn’t buy early.
7. Visit the doctor – At different ages, immunizations or specific hearing and vision tests are required. Don’t wait. Doctor offices fill up and you don’t want your child penalized for not having the necessary shots or tests. Book your appointments over the summer to get everything out of the way.
8.Change your home routine – We always change our sleep routine one-to-two weeks before school starts. We start going to bed earlier and getting up earlier so that when school starts, we are accustomed to being up at 6:00 a.m.
We take each of these steps to try making going back to school as stress-free as possible. Last-minute rushes cause panic for everyone. Enjoy those first weeks of school.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Children Should Be Allowed to Make Choices
As a parent it is so easy to say to our children, “it’s time to get up now”, or “it’s time to eat your eggs and toast now”. Think of the child hearing these words. There is no choice for the child. The child is being told when to get up, when to eat and what to eat. If the child is home during the day, my guess is the child’s day is filled with being told how the day will progress, what the planned activities for the day are and the child is not being offered a lot of say in the matter.
Children learn to make choices only when we, their parents allow them learn this concept. I believe all of us as adults have met other adults who are very uncomfortable making a choice. When we don’t allow our children to make choices, we take away the opportunity for them to learn this skill.
Here are a few suggestions of choices you can offer a young child. Can you say to your child, “do you want eggs and toast, or would you like cereal and milk?” This is a choice that allows your child to make a decision and begin learning about the consequences and rewards of making choices. If your routine is to first get dressed, then eat breakfast, what about offering your child the choice of “would you like to get dressed first or eat breakfast first?” Both of these are choices that should not impact your plans for the day and are very realistic choices for a child to make.
The choices you want to stay away from are the choices where you, as the parent, can not live with the choice. For example, if it’s summer time, you don’t want to ask the child “what do you want to wear today?” because if the child choose a wool sweater, you’re going to have to take away the choice. Instead you can say “do you want the green shorts or the blue shorts?”
You also don’t want to say “what do you want for breakfast?” because their choice just might be chocolate cake.
As adults we also like to be able to make choices. When we visit a movie theater, there are often several choices available. When we visit a restaurant, again there are several choices available. Even at the supermarket, there are several choices, both in size and brand availability.
Try it for a day. Pick a day and see what happens when you allow your child to make some choices about their day.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Children learn to make choices only when we, their parents allow them learn this concept. I believe all of us as adults have met other adults who are very uncomfortable making a choice. When we don’t allow our children to make choices, we take away the opportunity for them to learn this skill.
Here are a few suggestions of choices you can offer a young child. Can you say to your child, “do you want eggs and toast, or would you like cereal and milk?” This is a choice that allows your child to make a decision and begin learning about the consequences and rewards of making choices. If your routine is to first get dressed, then eat breakfast, what about offering your child the choice of “would you like to get dressed first or eat breakfast first?” Both of these are choices that should not impact your plans for the day and are very realistic choices for a child to make.
The choices you want to stay away from are the choices where you, as the parent, can not live with the choice. For example, if it’s summer time, you don’t want to ask the child “what do you want to wear today?” because if the child choose a wool sweater, you’re going to have to take away the choice. Instead you can say “do you want the green shorts or the blue shorts?”
You also don’t want to say “what do you want for breakfast?” because their choice just might be chocolate cake.
As adults we also like to be able to make choices. When we visit a movie theater, there are often several choices available. When we visit a restaurant, again there are several choices available. Even at the supermarket, there are several choices, both in size and brand availability.
Try it for a day. Pick a day and see what happens when you allow your child to make some choices about their day.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Choosing Your Child's Pediatrician
When the time came for me to choose a pediatrician for my children, it was very important that the man or woman I chose would be a person willing to answer my questions and address my concerns. I was so fortunate to find men and women in two cities who did indeed care enough to spend the 5-10 minutes needed to speak with me about my questions and concerns.
As infants, our children see the pediatrician much more frequently. As infants, children change literally day to day. I would make a list of my questions and bring those with me. I also had note paper and a pen with me so that I could write the answers.
It was also important to me that the pediatrician I chose felt comfortable with my choices as a mother. For example, if I had a boy, I knew I would have him circumcised. Not all pediatricians support this choice.
I also wanted to know who would be on call on the days my doctor was off. We had one absolutely horrible experience. My own doctor was completely booked and they asked if one of the other doctors could see my daughter. She was quite sick, had a high temperature and I didn’t feel that I had a choice but to say yes to seeing this other doctor. My daughter and I both strongly disliked this man. My daughter was shy. This strange man asked her to take her shirt off and she was old enough to feel modest and said no. Instead of showing compassion, he instead looked this sick child right in the face and said “what’s the matter, you think I’ve never seen a little girl’s chest before?” Yes we reported him, however this incident caused me to change doctors and find a doctor who would see us when sick. When a child is sick is when you most need your doctor. A well checkup can be scheduled for any time, but the non scheduled visits are very important. I wanted to know that for a sick visit, I would be able to see my doctor, not someone on call.
Interview a few pediatricians. Find the doctor who is right for you and your baby. This choice will make a world of difference as your child grows and changes.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
As infants, our children see the pediatrician much more frequently. As infants, children change literally day to day. I would make a list of my questions and bring those with me. I also had note paper and a pen with me so that I could write the answers.
It was also important to me that the pediatrician I chose felt comfortable with my choices as a mother. For example, if I had a boy, I knew I would have him circumcised. Not all pediatricians support this choice.
I also wanted to know who would be on call on the days my doctor was off. We had one absolutely horrible experience. My own doctor was completely booked and they asked if one of the other doctors could see my daughter. She was quite sick, had a high temperature and I didn’t feel that I had a choice but to say yes to seeing this other doctor. My daughter and I both strongly disliked this man. My daughter was shy. This strange man asked her to take her shirt off and she was old enough to feel modest and said no. Instead of showing compassion, he instead looked this sick child right in the face and said “what’s the matter, you think I’ve never seen a little girl’s chest before?” Yes we reported him, however this incident caused me to change doctors and find a doctor who would see us when sick. When a child is sick is when you most need your doctor. A well checkup can be scheduled for any time, but the non scheduled visits are very important. I wanted to know that for a sick visit, I would be able to see my doctor, not someone on call.
Interview a few pediatricians. Find the doctor who is right for you and your baby. This choice will make a world of difference as your child grows and changes.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Allowing Your Teen To Be Angry
When children are 2, they get angry and they lay on the floor and kick and scream. While we don’t particularly like these tantrums, as parents we all share stories of the tantrums our children throw.
As adults we too get angry. Some of us go take a walk. Some of us find journaling helpful. Some of us yell at the person closest to us, later feeling badly and needing to apologize. Some of us engage in activities that are self harming such as over eating, drinking and worse.
Teens get angry too. I’ve had moms actually say to me, “I can’t believe he/she is so angry over “that”. “That” of course refers to something that mom does not believe the teen should be angry about. I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen adults throw temper tantrums in what I think are the oddest of places. I’ve seen adults scream at retail employees. I’ve seen adults literally throw food in a restaurant. I’ve read about adults shooting guns at someone on a freeway. For me, these are not things that would push my buttons, but the reality is, we all get angry over different things. We all have different buttons that get pushed by various activities and we all have a different perspective on what’s just happened.
Teens are no different. I’ve seen my own kids get angry over unfairness in a classroom, over a friend saying or doing something they didn’t like, and yes, they even get angry at me and the decisions I make. Anger is ok. It’s how we handle the anger that makes us who we are, and as parents, we do have the right to tell our kids that certain behaviors when angry are not ok.
For example, it is not ok to slam doors, ever. I don’t care how angry you are, do not slam a door in my house. It is also never ok to hit another person. It does not matter how angry you are at that other person, you may never hit them. If you are feeling angry, take a walk, go swimming, hit a baseball, throw a basketball, kick a soccer ball. Work out the anger in a way that is not hurtful to another person or to yourself.
Both of my kids refuse to talk to me when they are angry. This is ok. I know that when they calm down and when the anger passes, they will come and tell me what had them so upset. Sometimes that might be the next day, or sometimes it might be the next week. It’s only when the anger is gone that you begin to see choices to solve whatever it is that brought on the anger in the first place. Anger can help lead you to decisions. Anger can help lead you to change.
Teenagers need to be allowed to feel anger. It helps them grow. It helps them learn how to have control. It’s hard to not yell or slam or a door. Having that control leads to increased self confidence in their own abilities. Being allowed to feel anger also helps teens learn to problem solve. This is something they will use forever. It’s a wonderful skill to learn.
Next time your teen is angry, smile and make a few suggestions on how to get rid of some of the steam, but do let them know that it’s quite ok to feel that way.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
As adults we too get angry. Some of us go take a walk. Some of us find journaling helpful. Some of us yell at the person closest to us, later feeling badly and needing to apologize. Some of us engage in activities that are self harming such as over eating, drinking and worse.
Teens get angry too. I’ve had moms actually say to me, “I can’t believe he/she is so angry over “that”. “That” of course refers to something that mom does not believe the teen should be angry about. I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen adults throw temper tantrums in what I think are the oddest of places. I’ve seen adults scream at retail employees. I’ve seen adults literally throw food in a restaurant. I’ve read about adults shooting guns at someone on a freeway. For me, these are not things that would push my buttons, but the reality is, we all get angry over different things. We all have different buttons that get pushed by various activities and we all have a different perspective on what’s just happened.
Teens are no different. I’ve seen my own kids get angry over unfairness in a classroom, over a friend saying or doing something they didn’t like, and yes, they even get angry at me and the decisions I make. Anger is ok. It’s how we handle the anger that makes us who we are, and as parents, we do have the right to tell our kids that certain behaviors when angry are not ok.
For example, it is not ok to slam doors, ever. I don’t care how angry you are, do not slam a door in my house. It is also never ok to hit another person. It does not matter how angry you are at that other person, you may never hit them. If you are feeling angry, take a walk, go swimming, hit a baseball, throw a basketball, kick a soccer ball. Work out the anger in a way that is not hurtful to another person or to yourself.
Both of my kids refuse to talk to me when they are angry. This is ok. I know that when they calm down and when the anger passes, they will come and tell me what had them so upset. Sometimes that might be the next day, or sometimes it might be the next week. It’s only when the anger is gone that you begin to see choices to solve whatever it is that brought on the anger in the first place. Anger can help lead you to decisions. Anger can help lead you to change.
Teenagers need to be allowed to feel anger. It helps them grow. It helps them learn how to have control. It’s hard to not yell or slam or a door. Having that control leads to increased self confidence in their own abilities. Being allowed to feel anger also helps teens learn to problem solve. This is something they will use forever. It’s a wonderful skill to learn.
Next time your teen is angry, smile and make a few suggestions on how to get rid of some of the steam, but do let them know that it’s quite ok to feel that way.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Enjoying Camping with a Toddler
Many folks love to camp over the summer months. The days are long. The nights are beautiful. When outdoors, the sound of nature is just incredible. I found this article on camping with todders that I thought you might enjoy.
Enjoying Camping with a Toddler
By: Rachel Paxton
Have fun camping with toddlers? Is it possible? If you're looking to get away and have a relaxed, stress-free vacation, then you probably don't want to take your toddlers with you. If, on the other hand, you want to get away and spend some quality time with your family, then these tips may help you keep your active toddlers safe and entertained.
You probably already know if your toddler is a good little traveller. We have twin 2-1/2-year-old boys. One likes to ride in the car and will nod off when he's tired. The other one has disliked riding in the car since he was a baby. He will under no circumstances sleep in the car (maybe for five minutes by accident). When he decides he's done riding in the car (every fifteen minutes or so) he cries and whines incessantly until daddy threatens to pull the car over.
If you have a toddler that doesn't like to travel, don't torture yourselves with a long car ride. It just isn't worth it. Three hours is about our limit. If we stop when we're about half way there and let the boys run around and play for a few minutes they do a lot better. Make sure to bring plenty of snacks in the car. Daddy's no-food-in-the-car rule was dismissed quickly when we started taking two toddlers on road trips. If you need a quick lunch Lunchables are great. One Lunchable is enough food for two hungry toddlers.
Something else you need to think about when you camp is where your toddlers are going to sleep. If they're used to sleeping places other than their beds you'll probably be fine. Our boys have always slept in their cribs and don't know anything else. Our first camping trip was a disaster.
The boys were 18 months old and we tried to get them to lay down with us on an air mattress in a tent. It took hours to get them settled down at night with a lot of crying involved. They didn't nap at all for two days and then we endured six hours home in the car. I have heard others tell of similar experiences with this aged child. If you're not sure how your child will do you might want to wait until he or she is a little older.
Our camping trips this year have gone much better. The boys are still sleeping in their cribs at home, but we recently bought an RV. My husband slept with one boy in one bed, and I slept with the other boy in a different bed. They still went to bed much later than normal (after dark) and refused to take a nap, but there was no crying and they had a lot of fun. Two days is all they can handle with that little sleep, but they did great. We have gone on two two-day trips this summer and they slept very well (although I can't say we did).
If you are tent camping, you might try a portable crib/play pen. I wish we had tried this last summer, I think it may have helped.
Once you get the sleeping thing down, there are some other things to consider when you take your toddler camping.
Make sure there aren't too many hazards where you will be camping. You might not want to camp right next to a lake, river, etc., anywhere that would be too tempting for your toddler when you're not looking. When you are camping you can't take your eyes off of them for even one second or something could happen to them. It happens that fast! On our first camping trip this year one of our boys tripped and bonked his head on the camper steps, and then the same day stepped off the edge of a swimming pool into the deep end! And I was standing right there both times.
On the other hand, you do want to go somewhere where there are fun things for your toddler to see and experience. Rivers and lakes are great places to visit with your toddler. They love to throw rocks in the water! We drove up to a scenic mountain area where there was still snow and the boys had a great time throwing snowballs at us. There were also many waterfalls to look at. The campground where we stayed had a lot of easy walking trails that were great for exploring with the boys. We wish we had brought a wagon with us. They would have loved being pulled around in it.
Another thing that we found a necessity when taking two toddlers camping was to bring other family members with us. The boys got to enjoy camping with two grandmas, two grandpas, and an aunt and uncle. It is a great opportunity to spend time with your extended family, and they love spending time with their grandchildren, niece, nephew, etc. This is big help for mom and dad and takes some of the pressure off.
Hopefully I haven't discouraged you from taking your toddler camping. We are glad we did this year. It was a great experience for our boys. You don't need to bring a lot of toys with you, they will have fun exploring with you and experiencing new things. Have fun, they grow fast! Oh, and don't forget your camera!
Rachel Paxton is a freelance writer and mom of four. For more inspirational articles and tips for everyday living, visit www.christian-parent.com
~ ~
Leave me a comment. Let me know your own camping experiences with your children.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Enjoying Camping with a Toddler
By: Rachel Paxton
Have fun camping with toddlers? Is it possible? If you're looking to get away and have a relaxed, stress-free vacation, then you probably don't want to take your toddlers with you. If, on the other hand, you want to get away and spend some quality time with your family, then these tips may help you keep your active toddlers safe and entertained.
You probably already know if your toddler is a good little traveller. We have twin 2-1/2-year-old boys. One likes to ride in the car and will nod off when he's tired. The other one has disliked riding in the car since he was a baby. He will under no circumstances sleep in the car (maybe for five minutes by accident). When he decides he's done riding in the car (every fifteen minutes or so) he cries and whines incessantly until daddy threatens to pull the car over.
If you have a toddler that doesn't like to travel, don't torture yourselves with a long car ride. It just isn't worth it. Three hours is about our limit. If we stop when we're about half way there and let the boys run around and play for a few minutes they do a lot better. Make sure to bring plenty of snacks in the car. Daddy's no-food-in-the-car rule was dismissed quickly when we started taking two toddlers on road trips. If you need a quick lunch Lunchables are great. One Lunchable is enough food for two hungry toddlers.
Something else you need to think about when you camp is where your toddlers are going to sleep. If they're used to sleeping places other than their beds you'll probably be fine. Our boys have always slept in their cribs and don't know anything else. Our first camping trip was a disaster.
The boys were 18 months old and we tried to get them to lay down with us on an air mattress in a tent. It took hours to get them settled down at night with a lot of crying involved. They didn't nap at all for two days and then we endured six hours home in the car. I have heard others tell of similar experiences with this aged child. If you're not sure how your child will do you might want to wait until he or she is a little older.
Our camping trips this year have gone much better. The boys are still sleeping in their cribs at home, but we recently bought an RV. My husband slept with one boy in one bed, and I slept with the other boy in a different bed. They still went to bed much later than normal (after dark) and refused to take a nap, but there was no crying and they had a lot of fun. Two days is all they can handle with that little sleep, but they did great. We have gone on two two-day trips this summer and they slept very well (although I can't say we did).
If you are tent camping, you might try a portable crib/play pen. I wish we had tried this last summer, I think it may have helped.
Once you get the sleeping thing down, there are some other things to consider when you take your toddler camping.
Make sure there aren't too many hazards where you will be camping. You might not want to camp right next to a lake, river, etc., anywhere that would be too tempting for your toddler when you're not looking. When you are camping you can't take your eyes off of them for even one second or something could happen to them. It happens that fast! On our first camping trip this year one of our boys tripped and bonked his head on the camper steps, and then the same day stepped off the edge of a swimming pool into the deep end! And I was standing right there both times.
On the other hand, you do want to go somewhere where there are fun things for your toddler to see and experience. Rivers and lakes are great places to visit with your toddler. They love to throw rocks in the water! We drove up to a scenic mountain area where there was still snow and the boys had a great time throwing snowballs at us. There were also many waterfalls to look at. The campground where we stayed had a lot of easy walking trails that were great for exploring with the boys. We wish we had brought a wagon with us. They would have loved being pulled around in it.
Another thing that we found a necessity when taking two toddlers camping was to bring other family members with us. The boys got to enjoy camping with two grandmas, two grandpas, and an aunt and uncle. It is a great opportunity to spend time with your extended family, and they love spending time with their grandchildren, niece, nephew, etc. This is big help for mom and dad and takes some of the pressure off.
Hopefully I haven't discouraged you from taking your toddler camping. We are glad we did this year. It was a great experience for our boys. You don't need to bring a lot of toys with you, they will have fun exploring with you and experiencing new things. Have fun, they grow fast! Oh, and don't forget your camera!
Rachel Paxton is a freelance writer and mom of four. For more inspirational articles and tips for everyday living, visit www.christian-parent.com
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Leave me a comment. Let me know your own camping experiences with your children.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Protect Your Child with a Password
When we think of password protection, we think of bank accounts, computers, or even voice mail phone systems.
Our children are equally precious to us and need our protection. But how do we protect them?
When my kids were small we established a password, or codeword that only they and I knew. We chose a word very familiar to them, something they could remember, yet not something easily guessed by an outsider.
In the car we would roleplay many situations that might happen and how my children could respond. It was very important that if anyone other than I was going to pick them up at school or from a sports practice or even a girl scout meeting, this person must know our password.
If the person did not know the password, then my children were not to get in their car under any circumstances. There were no exceptions to this rule. Once you start making exceptions young children become confused. Their mother, their father, and their grandmother knew their password and often discussed it with them.
I know our system worked, because one day after her brownie meeting, a friend of mine offered to drive my daughter home, knowing I was home not feeling well. My daughter asked this adult woman if she knew the password. Of course the woman did not. My daughter comfortably looked at her and told her she could not get in the car with her.
I have never been more proud of this very precious little girl.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Our children are equally precious to us and need our protection. But how do we protect them?
When my kids were small we established a password, or codeword that only they and I knew. We chose a word very familiar to them, something they could remember, yet not something easily guessed by an outsider.
In the car we would roleplay many situations that might happen and how my children could respond. It was very important that if anyone other than I was going to pick them up at school or from a sports practice or even a girl scout meeting, this person must know our password.
If the person did not know the password, then my children were not to get in their car under any circumstances. There were no exceptions to this rule. Once you start making exceptions young children become confused. Their mother, their father, and their grandmother knew their password and often discussed it with them.
I know our system worked, because one day after her brownie meeting, a friend of mine offered to drive my daughter home, knowing I was home not feeling well. My daughter asked this adult woman if she knew the password. Of course the woman did not. My daughter comfortably looked at her and told her she could not get in the car with her.
I have never been more proud of this very precious little girl.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Eliminating Bedtime Struggles
My daughter had been babysitting the same child for quite some time. She told me that bedtime was just a nightmare. The child did not want to go to bed, did not want to quit playing, and that it would take an hour at times to get the child to finally go to bed, only to have the child pop right back out.
Scenes like this can often be avoided by developing a routine where the child is part of the entire routine. Often at bedtime, children are tired, often overtired. Sometimes they are stimulated versus sleepy. They need to wind down. If we just say “go to bed”, they are far too wound up to follow this direction. By developing a routine that gives them time to wind down, we can eliminate many of the bedtime struggles. Also, by involving the child, the child knows they have some say in how the evening turns out and how the routine will be carried out.
About 10 minutes prior to “getting ready time”, you can announce to the child that in 10 minutes it will be time to pick out pajamas. At the end of the 10 minutes, let the child know it’s now time to go pick out pajamas. If you have a child who tends to lose track of time, make another announcement at the 5 minute mark, letting the child know that he/she has 5 minutes remaining.
Offer a choice of toothbrushes. I’m not sure why parents think a child can or should only have one toothbrush. Part of the bedtime routine is that after pajamas, the child gets to choose which toothbrush will be used that night. Not only does this help in the pattern of bedtime, but it also makes the child want to brush their teeth.
Now comes choosing a book. Depending on the child, it might be fine to offer an entire bookcase worth of books to choose from, or it might be better for the child to only offer them 3 choices. Next, does the child want to sit on the floor, sit on the bed, or lay down in bed to have the book read to them?
If you read for 30 minutes, announce when there are only 10 minutes left of reading time. Announce again when there are only 5 minutes left. When reading time is over, lights go out; it’s time to go to sleep.
If your child does not stay in bed, let them know you’ll be back in 5 minutes. After exactly 5 minutes, go back. Next time, tell them you’ll be back in 10 minutes. After exactly 10 minutes, go back. Two things happen here, one is the child develops the trust that you really will come back, but the child also develops a sense of just how long 5 minutes are, or just how long 10 minutes are.
While establishing this bedtime routine pattern, it’s really important to stick to the times offered to the child. This is what leads the child to learn the routine, know what to expect and know they can count on this same pattern night after night.
Be patient. It can take a few weeks for the child to learn the pattern and realize that this pattern will be there night after night.
Quite often, by involving the child in the choices and by establishing a repeatable pattern, bedtime struggles can be completely eliminated.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Scenes like this can often be avoided by developing a routine where the child is part of the entire routine. Often at bedtime, children are tired, often overtired. Sometimes they are stimulated versus sleepy. They need to wind down. If we just say “go to bed”, they are far too wound up to follow this direction. By developing a routine that gives them time to wind down, we can eliminate many of the bedtime struggles. Also, by involving the child, the child knows they have some say in how the evening turns out and how the routine will be carried out.
About 10 minutes prior to “getting ready time”, you can announce to the child that in 10 minutes it will be time to pick out pajamas. At the end of the 10 minutes, let the child know it’s now time to go pick out pajamas. If you have a child who tends to lose track of time, make another announcement at the 5 minute mark, letting the child know that he/she has 5 minutes remaining.
Offer a choice of toothbrushes. I’m not sure why parents think a child can or should only have one toothbrush. Part of the bedtime routine is that after pajamas, the child gets to choose which toothbrush will be used that night. Not only does this help in the pattern of bedtime, but it also makes the child want to brush their teeth.
Now comes choosing a book. Depending on the child, it might be fine to offer an entire bookcase worth of books to choose from, or it might be better for the child to only offer them 3 choices. Next, does the child want to sit on the floor, sit on the bed, or lay down in bed to have the book read to them?
If you read for 30 minutes, announce when there are only 10 minutes left of reading time. Announce again when there are only 5 minutes left. When reading time is over, lights go out; it’s time to go to sleep.
If your child does not stay in bed, let them know you’ll be back in 5 minutes. After exactly 5 minutes, go back. Next time, tell them you’ll be back in 10 minutes. After exactly 10 minutes, go back. Two things happen here, one is the child develops the trust that you really will come back, but the child also develops a sense of just how long 5 minutes are, or just how long 10 minutes are.
While establishing this bedtime routine pattern, it’s really important to stick to the times offered to the child. This is what leads the child to learn the routine, know what to expect and know they can count on this same pattern night after night.
Be patient. It can take a few weeks for the child to learn the pattern and realize that this pattern will be there night after night.
Quite often, by involving the child in the choices and by establishing a repeatable pattern, bedtime struggles can be completely eliminated.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Monday, July 14, 2008
Kids In the Kitchen
Kids love to help mom in the kitchen. Both of my girls always asked what they could do to help prepare meals.
Here are several suggestions for recipes kids can help make that require no cooking:
1. Fruit on a stick. Buy already cut up fruit pieces and have the kids put them on short skewers. Kids love to make the skewers and then eat them. Try mixing colors, such as blueberries with either strawberries or pineapple, or strawberries with cantaloupe.
2. Dips for veggies. Kids love to dip. Start with either yogurt, mayonnaise or cottage cheese. You can add ranch dressing mix, or Italian dressing mix, or even onion soup mix. Buy the small carrots or any other veggie and the kids can have veggies and their own home made dip.
3. Frozen banana. Cut bananas in half. Place a popsicle stick in each banana piece. Dip the banana in chocolate syrup. Now roll the banana in crushed nuts, crushed corn flakes, or crushed graham cracker crumbs. Freeze for a few hours, in waxed paper.
4. 7 layer dip (this is one of my favorites). It’s served cold, there is no cooking involved. Start with a can of refried beans as your bottom layer. Chop up olives, tomatoes, onions, cheese and avocado (has to be very ripe). On the very top add sour cream. Use tortilla chips to dip. We have made an entire meal out of this great recipe.
5. Graham cracker peanut butter balls. Mix one cup peanut butter, one cup powdered milk and one cup honey (it’s a bit sticky and gooey). Roll into small balls and then dip into crushed graham crackers. Refrigerate for several hours. Serve cold.
6. Sandwich wraps. Use tortillas and tear strips. Kids can take a piece of lunch meat and wrap it with one strip to make a wrap sandwich. You can add mayonnaise or mustard on top of the meat before you roll. We also love to wrap spinach dip.
7. Ritz cracker sandwiches. We have put everything imaginable on Ritz crackers. We’ve used cut up cheddar cheese cubes, cream cheese, peanut butter and even chocolate and vanilla frosting.
8. Deviled eggs. My kids both like hardboiled eggs. Just slice the egg, scoop out the yolk and add mayonnaise, mustard, salt and pepper. Then mix and scoop back in.
9. Pickle sandwich. Spread softened cream cheese onto a slice of either turkey or roast beef lunch meat. Wrap the meat around a pickle and chill. Cut into bit size pieces.
10. Orange Delight. Pour ½ cup of orange juice into a class. Add ½ cup orange sherbet. Pour in ¾ cup ginger ale or 7-Up. Mix and enjoy!
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Here are several suggestions for recipes kids can help make that require no cooking:
1. Fruit on a stick. Buy already cut up fruit pieces and have the kids put them on short skewers. Kids love to make the skewers and then eat them. Try mixing colors, such as blueberries with either strawberries or pineapple, or strawberries with cantaloupe.
2. Dips for veggies. Kids love to dip. Start with either yogurt, mayonnaise or cottage cheese. You can add ranch dressing mix, or Italian dressing mix, or even onion soup mix. Buy the small carrots or any other veggie and the kids can have veggies and their own home made dip.
3. Frozen banana. Cut bananas in half. Place a popsicle stick in each banana piece. Dip the banana in chocolate syrup. Now roll the banana in crushed nuts, crushed corn flakes, or crushed graham cracker crumbs. Freeze for a few hours, in waxed paper.
4. 7 layer dip (this is one of my favorites). It’s served cold, there is no cooking involved. Start with a can of refried beans as your bottom layer. Chop up olives, tomatoes, onions, cheese and avocado (has to be very ripe). On the very top add sour cream. Use tortilla chips to dip. We have made an entire meal out of this great recipe.
5. Graham cracker peanut butter balls. Mix one cup peanut butter, one cup powdered milk and one cup honey (it’s a bit sticky and gooey). Roll into small balls and then dip into crushed graham crackers. Refrigerate for several hours. Serve cold.
6. Sandwich wraps. Use tortillas and tear strips. Kids can take a piece of lunch meat and wrap it with one strip to make a wrap sandwich. You can add mayonnaise or mustard on top of the meat before you roll. We also love to wrap spinach dip.
7. Ritz cracker sandwiches. We have put everything imaginable on Ritz crackers. We’ve used cut up cheddar cheese cubes, cream cheese, peanut butter and even chocolate and vanilla frosting.
8. Deviled eggs. My kids both like hardboiled eggs. Just slice the egg, scoop out the yolk and add mayonnaise, mustard, salt and pepper. Then mix and scoop back in.
9. Pickle sandwich. Spread softened cream cheese onto a slice of either turkey or roast beef lunch meat. Wrap the meat around a pickle and chill. Cut into bit size pieces.
10. Orange Delight. Pour ½ cup of orange juice into a class. Add ½ cup orange sherbet. Pour in ¾ cup ginger ale or 7-Up. Mix and enjoy!
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Enjoying the Teenage Years
I can not count the number of times I’ve heard well meaning parents say “enjoy them now, soon they will be teenagers”
I see so many reasons why this sentence is harmful and misleading. First of all, each time you personally say this phrase in front of your own children, it affects their feelings of self worth. If you have a teenager who hears you constantly warn others about teens, you are basically saying your own child is troublesome to you.
If this sentence is being said in front of preteens, those preteens are listening and hearing and watching for reaction. They want to know how mom and/or dad react to being told that in a year or two, their own child will no longer be enjoyable.
Let’s face it, every stage of life brings about its own set of challenges and opportunities. Toddlers are learning independence. Preteens are learning a new sense of independence. Teenagers are learning about the independence of becoming adults. By midlife, we often hear the phrase “midlife crisis” and then we often hear that the elderly can get away with anything because they are elderly.
Every stage of life is different. We continue to grow as a person from birth right through death. I smile incredibly thinking of a wonderful woman I know who is over 90. She still drives. She still sits on the board of a few organizations and she still participates in and leads a current events group. This is proof positive that we continue to grow and learn through out our lives.
I personally have enjoyed immensely the teenage years of both of my daughters. As a teen they are very independent, meaning you can leave the house for a few hours and not worry, you can ask for help with cooking, cleaning, and all other chores and you can enjoy incredible conversations with these kids who now have very strong opinions.
I have enjoyed meals out in exotic restaurants with my teens. I have enjoyed long walks where we can chat about life and our own thoughts. I have enjoyed weekend trips with my girls. I have enjoyed a morning cup of coffee. I have enjoyed the most recent movie release with them. Of course this list goes on and on.
Did my kids ever yell? Of course they did. Did they ever not follow a rule? Of course they did. Just as toddlers, preteens and elderly do all of these things, so do teens.
When someone tells me their child is about to become a teen, I hug and congratulate them. They are about to experience a wonderful new relationship.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
I see so many reasons why this sentence is harmful and misleading. First of all, each time you personally say this phrase in front of your own children, it affects their feelings of self worth. If you have a teenager who hears you constantly warn others about teens, you are basically saying your own child is troublesome to you.
If this sentence is being said in front of preteens, those preteens are listening and hearing and watching for reaction. They want to know how mom and/or dad react to being told that in a year or two, their own child will no longer be enjoyable.
Let’s face it, every stage of life brings about its own set of challenges and opportunities. Toddlers are learning independence. Preteens are learning a new sense of independence. Teenagers are learning about the independence of becoming adults. By midlife, we often hear the phrase “midlife crisis” and then we often hear that the elderly can get away with anything because they are elderly.
Every stage of life is different. We continue to grow as a person from birth right through death. I smile incredibly thinking of a wonderful woman I know who is over 90. She still drives. She still sits on the board of a few organizations and she still participates in and leads a current events group. This is proof positive that we continue to grow and learn through out our lives.
I personally have enjoyed immensely the teenage years of both of my daughters. As a teen they are very independent, meaning you can leave the house for a few hours and not worry, you can ask for help with cooking, cleaning, and all other chores and you can enjoy incredible conversations with these kids who now have very strong opinions.
I have enjoyed meals out in exotic restaurants with my teens. I have enjoyed long walks where we can chat about life and our own thoughts. I have enjoyed weekend trips with my girls. I have enjoyed a morning cup of coffee. I have enjoyed the most recent movie release with them. Of course this list goes on and on.
Did my kids ever yell? Of course they did. Did they ever not follow a rule? Of course they did. Just as toddlers, preteens and elderly do all of these things, so do teens.
When someone tells me their child is about to become a teen, I hug and congratulate them. They are about to experience a wonderful new relationship.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
Choosing A Name For Your Baby
I was involved in a discussion this past week about choosing a name for your baby. Names are chosen for many reasons. Some people choose to name their children based on ethnic origin. Some people choose to name their children based on deceased relatives. Still others choose to name their child after a favorite movie star, or rock star.
While a particular name might have worked for grandma who’s been gone 40 years now and lived to 99, how does the name fit into today’s society? Or while a particular name might be very popular in another country, is the name going to be an easy name for the child to carry into their first school classroom and then the business world?
When I chose names for my children, I asked many questions:
Was the name easy to pronounce?
Was the name spelled in a way that the child would not have to make corrections all through life?
What did the initials look like? Initials meant first and last, and first, middle and last.
Is the name unisex or can it clearly be known if the name is feminine or masculine?
How does the name sound? Too many syllables when combined with the last name? Too few syllables when combined with the last name?
Both of my kids went to school with children who were teased constantly because of their names. While teasing another child is not ok, it’s what other children do. Even well meaning teachers can sometimes say the wrong thing, thus hurting a child’s feelings over their name.
Living in California, both of my children have also gone to school with children who had first names that no one else could pronounce. Often, in school the other kids would rename the child with the hard to pronounce name. This was not done in unkindness, but rather to create a name that everyone could say.
Think ahead to the business world. Does your child have a name that will help or hurt them? I always found it uncomfortable to have to ask a caller to repeat or spell their name. I also always was sad when I called someone and knew I was probably mispronouncing their name. If I am asking the person to please pronounce or even re-pronounce their name, chances are, this happens regularly.
Before you choose a name for your unborn child, consider how this name will affect them for their entire life.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
While a particular name might have worked for grandma who’s been gone 40 years now and lived to 99, how does the name fit into today’s society? Or while a particular name might be very popular in another country, is the name going to be an easy name for the child to carry into their first school classroom and then the business world?
When I chose names for my children, I asked many questions:
Was the name easy to pronounce?
Was the name spelled in a way that the child would not have to make corrections all through life?
What did the initials look like? Initials meant first and last, and first, middle and last.
Is the name unisex or can it clearly be known if the name is feminine or masculine?
How does the name sound? Too many syllables when combined with the last name? Too few syllables when combined with the last name?
Both of my kids went to school with children who were teased constantly because of their names. While teasing another child is not ok, it’s what other children do. Even well meaning teachers can sometimes say the wrong thing, thus hurting a child’s feelings over their name.
Living in California, both of my children have also gone to school with children who had first names that no one else could pronounce. Often, in school the other kids would rename the child with the hard to pronounce name. This was not done in unkindness, but rather to create a name that everyone could say.
Think ahead to the business world. Does your child have a name that will help or hurt them? I always found it uncomfortable to have to ask a caller to repeat or spell their name. I also always was sad when I called someone and knew I was probably mispronouncing their name. If I am asking the person to please pronounce or even re-pronounce their name, chances are, this happens regularly.
Before you choose a name for your unborn child, consider how this name will affect them for their entire life.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
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