As a parent it is so easy to say to our children, “it’s time to get up now”, or “it’s time to eat your eggs and toast now”. Think of the child hearing these words. There is no choice for the child. The child is being told when to get up, when to eat and what to eat. If the child is home during the day, my guess is the child’s day is filled with being told how the day will progress, what the planned activities for the day are and the child is not being offered a lot of say in the matter.
Children learn to make choices only when we, their parents allow them learn this concept. I believe all of us as adults have met other adults who are very uncomfortable making a choice. When we don’t allow our children to make choices, we take away the opportunity for them to learn this skill.
Here are a few suggestions of choices you can offer a young child. Can you say to your child, “do you want eggs and toast, or would you like cereal and milk?” This is a choice that allows your child to make a decision and begin learning about the consequences and rewards of making choices. If your routine is to first get dressed, then eat breakfast, what about offering your child the choice of “would you like to get dressed first or eat breakfast first?” Both of these are choices that should not impact your plans for the day and are very realistic choices for a child to make.
The choices you want to stay away from are the choices where you, as the parent, can not live with the choice. For example, if it’s summer time, you don’t want to ask the child “what do you want to wear today?” because if the child choose a wool sweater, you’re going to have to take away the choice. Instead you can say “do you want the green shorts or the blue shorts?”
You also don’t want to say “what do you want for breakfast?” because their choice just might be chocolate cake.
As adults we also like to be able to make choices. When we visit a movie theater, there are often several choices available. When we visit a restaurant, again there are several choices available. Even at the supermarket, there are several choices, both in size and brand availability.
Try it for a day. Pick a day and see what happens when you allow your child to make some choices about their day.
Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka
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4 comments:
Hi Audrey - thanks for stopping by my blog - I'm checking all of your out! i loved your comment - I laughed when I read it! I am also a believer in giving kids choices - but sometimes I think it backfires on me. My daughter is 6 and sometimes I think she is either too tired/too cranky/too hungry to make a choice and then we get into the 'I don't knows" and so I try to make the choice for her and she says "no, I don't want that" to everything. So, I have had to learn that the timing of giving her choices is a part of whether its successful or not. But I do agree totally with your sentiments - i just have to work on my timing. . .
Sage words from an obviously seasoned mum . . . I agree with you on offering kids the choice, when appropriate!
Thanks for dropping in on my blog:)
Hi Audrey! It's been great getting to know you too on the boards, and thanks for stopping by my blog!
This is great advice. I find that when I give my daughter appropriate choices she's less likely to fight with me and our days run much more smoothly!
Choices are great and kids give some control, since sometimes they feel they have none! :)
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