Allowing Teenagers More Freedom

When my daughter was a high school senior, most rules were lifted. She no longer had a curfew. She was allowed to go out on school nights and she even had the option to not go to school when she chose not to.

While this might sound extreme, the reality is that she had 9 months to practice being a freshman in college.

The statistics of how many students end up on probation in college is staggering. Some of this might be avoided by allowing 17 and 18 year old teens more freedom while at home.

If your teen has used good judgment up to this point and if your teen has exhibited a sense of responsibility then it’s time to let go a bit and allow your teen to experience true independence.

As a parent it’s very difficult to watch your teen make a decision that you don’t agree with. It’s also wonderful that you, their parent, will be there to support them if their decision doesn’t quite work out as they had hoped.

Once they leave home you are not as easily accessible to support them through bad choices and difficult decisions.

Communication is important during this transition year in your teen’s life. Discuss their decisions. Don’t take control but offer your thoughts. Share your own experiences.

Let’s say your teen goes out on a school night and then can’t get up for school the next day. You have a few choices. You can allow them the cut in school, since it’s an unexcused absence. You can call in sick for your teen or you can force them to go to school. Remember, next year, they have the option to make this choice for themselves each and every day. What lesson do you want them to learn? For me, I wanted my daughter to experience falling behind from the decision to miss class. She did miss class a few times and then was overwhelmed with work, making the option to miss class a bit less attractive.

There are driving laws in most states. My daughter absolutely had to obey the driving laws and curfews set by the state. Until she was of age, she could not drive others. She was not allowed to be out driving after the state imposed curfew. These were not my rules but rules set by the state and not negotiable.

For teens that have shown good decision making, try allowing their senior year to be a transitional year where they get the “freedom” out of their systems, so they are ready to settle down and attend college the next year.

Audrey :)
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Your Child and Sleep

Have you ever wondered why some children sleep through the night and other children get up multiple times?

I’m mom to two girls and one of them was a great sleeper as an infant and the other was very tough to put to bed at night.

One of my daughters loved her naps while the other daughter seldom napped and when she did, she then wouldn’t sleep at night.

Think to your adult years. Some adults are fine with five hours sleep. I know other adults who sleep nine hours per night. Personally I’m great at about 7 ½ hours, which for some is a bit too much.

Each of us is different. Children are different too. Some children are more active and burn off more energy. Some children love to play quietly which does not use as much energy as children who runs around outdoors all day long.

I always allowed my children to dictate their sleep patterns within reason. My eight year old was not tired at night. I was exhausted. She would go to her room at about 9 p.m. and was allowed to read for an hour or two until she became tired. She and I both woke up at the same time each morning.

My daughter that did not nap was allowed to not nap but I did ask her for some quiet time in the afternoons, just some down time for both of us.

Do you have a favorite pillow or favorite blanket as an adult? Often children have favorite blankets or even stuffed animals. These items bring them a sense of comfort. Comfort while sleeping is very important to a good night’s sleep. Allow your child that favorite animal or favorite blanket.

Turn sleep time into a more pleasant experience for both you and your child by recognizing that each child is different and will sleep differently. Allow your child to enjoy their sleep and sleep as needed.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Tips to Try and Help Your Picky Eater

You’re sitting at the dinner table and you put 3 or 4 different foods on your toddler’s high chair tray. Not only does your child not eat any of the 3 foods, but your toddler starts throwing the food out of boredom. Sound familiar?

I too had a picky eater. There are many foods and ideas worth trying when you have a picky eater. I also suggest you involve your pediatrician. Your pediatrician can tell you if any type of vitamin or supplement is necessary. Your pediatrician can also tell you if there is a problem more complex than picky eating.

I should tell you that stress will affect your child. If you are stressed at every meal, your child will sense this. Also, if you are stressed at every meal, your child will begin to dislike meal time, and dislike eating.

I found the simplest solution for us when my daughter was quite young was to offer a variety of foods and let her choose the foods she wanted. When she could speak, I could verbally make offers to her and see if any of my choices appealed to her. Again, my goal was to keep both her and me stress free.

Some kids need their mouths stimulated. This can be accomplished through crunchy foods, or through very well seasoned foods, seasonings such as sour or even slightly spicy. We found that my daughter would eat many foods as long as she could dip them. We offered her ketchup, ranch, sweet and sour sauce, BBQ sauce and salsa. These dips were offered as she got a bit older. She would dip literally everything in these sauces. I would make her toast and she’d want a dip. It was hard not to chuckle at her breaking the toast and dipping it in ketchup.

When we were invited to anyone’s home, we always packed her meal. I always told our host up front that I would be bringing my daughter’s meal. If the host was upset, offended or asked me not to do so, we would decline the invitation. Most folks were willing to accommodate us. By packing her meal and not having to hope she’d eat what was served, it caused much less stress on everyone and made the entire day or evening much more enjoyable.

Have you ever had tempura? It’s a very light coating on the food, and then you fry the food. Because tempura is crunchy, we found my daughter would eat some foods as long as we coated them and fried them. One of her favorites was tempura hot dogs with tempura sweet potato. We cut both into bit size pieces, coated them and then served them. Yes, we would offer a dip also if she wanted.

As my daughter got older, she would go to the grocery store with me and she began to help prepare meals. She ate a lot of chicken fingers for dinners. Again, they were crunchy. She also ate fish sticks with their crunchy coating. Both foods could be dipped in sauces. Very often we made her one main course and the rest of the family a different main course. As adults, we are almost never put in a position where we MUST eat a certain meal, and where we don’t have an option to say “no thank you”. By allowing our children that same option we do them a greater service than if we argue, fight, bribe, threaten etc. Some picky eaters do outgrow their pickiness. Other kids carry this pickiness into adulthood. I know there are certain foods I still don’t eat as an adult.

If you believe there is a true medical problem, see your doctor. If you believe you have a picky eater, I strongly suggest offering choices and options to keep the stress out of meals.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Teaching Children About Consequences

I was so fortunate to have had a wonderful parenting friend when my children were young. The one thing she was so strong about was consequences. There are always consequences.

I somehow grew up and entered into adulthood believing that consequences were negative and a bad thing.

This is not true at all. Each action we execute has a consequence. If we show our children patience, the consequence is they grow up feeling secure and loved. This is a very positive consequence of our actions.

Through this friend I learned how to teach my own children about consequences. When my kids were in a position of having to make a tough choice, we spoke about the consequence of each of their options. If my kids spoke up or chose not to speak up when they felt a wrong had been done, we would talk about the consequences of the two choices.

If a child does not do their homework there are consequences. They won’t be prepared for the upcoming test. They won’t get credit for homework completed and their teacher will form an opinion that they are someone who does not complete the work. On the flip side if homework is always done and always on time very often the teacher will give you a pass on the one occasion you don’t have the homework ready. These are the two consequences of doing or not doing homework.

What about friends? Who our children choose to be friends with has consequences. If they choose friends who are not trustworthy or rather flaky they will often be disappointed. If they choose friends who can keep secrets, who are supportive and who always come through our children will have a very different experience socially.

Talk about consequences with your children. Let them know that each of their actions can and will have a consequences. It’s amazing how much more thought we put into decisions when we consider the consequences.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Keeping Track of Your Children’s Toys

My own kids are both grown now. Today we had a five year old and eight year old visit us. The 5 year old wanted to play Candy Land which she found on our shelf. The game is well over 20 years old.

Often as time goes on, pieces are lost and games become unplayable due to the missing pieces or broken parts.

Here are some things you can do to stop the lost and broken game and toy pieces:

Keep small pieces in Ziploc bags. We keep dice, chips and any other small pieces in Ziploc bags.

Keep playing cards rubber banded together. We have a supply of the very thin rubber bands. These are great for keeping game cards together. If you want, store the cards in a Ziploc bag.

If the box corners tear, tape them together. Many of our boxes have tape on all of the corners to keep the boxes together.

Using a piece of scotch tape, tape the directions to the inside lid of the box. There is nothing more frustrating than going to play a game after not playing for a period of time and not having the directions.

Write your name on the bottom of the box. Often kids visit friends or attend sleep-overs and it’s very easy to lose track of a game. If your family name is on the bottom of the box, it is now very easy to have the game returned to you.

Create a spot to put the toy or game away. Often toys get lost because they get thrown into the bottom of the closet or pushed under a bed. If the toy has a home in the bedroom, it is less likely that the toy will get lost.

As the adult, you might consider an inventory list of what games and toys you have. Not only does this prevent duplicate items but also reminds you who owns the toy and who has some sense of responsibility for the toy.

Enjoy playing games with your kids. Help them learn how to properly care for toys and games and these products should last a long, long time.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Talking to Your Kids About the Tough Subjects

When my 16 year old daughter needed a physical for a summer program, we went to visit our family doctor. I was asked to leave the room for a few minutes. I knew that while I was gone, the doctor would ask my daughter “are you sexually active?” and “are you using drugs or alcohol?”

I was a bit shocked when the front office gal told me that for some girls this is the only “talk” they get. However, as I thought back, I remembered having a conversation with one of my daughter’s friend’s mother when the girls were about 11. The mom told me she just couldn’t find the words to tell her daughter about her changing body. There is actually a wonderful book called Our Bodies Ourselves. My daughter read the book from start to finish and we talked about those topics she wished to talk about. The book has been updated many times to include all relevant topics to teens today.

As parents, I believe it’s our job to educate our kids on what I call those tough subjects. Whether we tell our children or not, they will learn about sex, drugs, and alcohol. I fondly remember my daughter coming to me one day and saying “mom I think so and so is bi”. Oh boy, a new phrase in our vocabulary to talk about. She was far too young to really have a friend who was bi, however this was now the phrase of the week that the kids were talking about. My choices were to talk to her frankly about what this meant or to allow her to learn from friends and possibly get wrong information. Of course I chose the frank discussion.

I know that discussing these topics can be very difficult. I often find that either a walk or a car ride helps make the discussion less difficult. Many miles have been put on my car speaking to both of my girls about difficult topics.

Books are another wonderful way to introduce topics. You can find books on absolutely every topic imaginable. It’s not necessary to read the whole book or even to have your child read the whole book. Sometimes just scanning the topics and summaries in a book can lead to wonderful conversations between parents and their children.

Today, with the internet, we can find articles and research on all topics. We can even find multiple articles and multiple opinions and commentaries on almost every topic.

Another method of introducing topics is to listen to or watch talk shows. I have spent hours discussing advice offered on these types of shows with my kids. By talking about a real situation and what advice we might offer the person asking for help, we are able to have frank discussions that are not brought up out of thin air.

I think as parents if we remember our children will learn about all topics whether we discuss these topics with them or not is encouragement to make sure our children know we are available for those tough discussions.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Flying with Toddlers

December is one of the busiest months for air traffic. I wanted to share an article with you that was written about traveling with todders on airplanes:

Flying with toddlers can be a nightmare at times. This is especially true if the toddler starts screaming and shouting or crying in flight. There is no exit door and place to bring him for a time out till he cools down and composes himself.

Here are some tips on how I manage to have a hassle free flight with my kids.

Tip #1- Bring along some pen and paper and sticker activity books.

My 2yr and 4yr old love doodling and having spare pencils and papers really do help to keep them momentarily occupied for a minimum of 10-15 minutes. My younger one loves for me to draw fishes on the paper for him while his older brother would draw in train tracks and trains.
The boys go ballistic with stickers and love sticking in the various stickers on the relevant pages. It is also a fun way for them to learn.

Tip #2- Have some palm size toys around for them to play with.

Die-cast Thomas the train engines and matchbox cars are a staple in my handbag these few years. With a train or car in hand my boys will be using the plates, chopsticks or even coasters as tracks as they move their toy all around the dining table while waiting to be served.

Tip #3- Pre load cartoons into your mobile/PDA or bring along a portable VCD/PSP

If you are traveling budget like I did there isn’t any in-house movies/show to watch during the flight. By pre loading/downloading Thomas the Train, Barney and other movies onto hubby’s 3G phone it kept them occupied for nearly an hour. Do remember to pack along spare batteries for your phone though.

Tip #4- Bring along their favourite snacks.

Having their chocolate sticks, strawberry milk and other snack food available will keep your child happy and satisfied. They can quietly sit there on the seat and munch away as mine did during the flight.

Tip #5- Try not to let them nap before the flight.

Every time we travel by air I would make it a point to keep the boys fully occupied with various activities to prevent them from falling asleep and taking a nap. It seems to work as when the plane takes off the sound of the engine and the movement of the plane works as instant soothers to lull them off to sleep resulting them in “shutting off” for at least an hour or two.

With these 5 tips in hand are you better equipped in handing your toddler on a flight?

Dominique Goh, elementary school teacher, mom to two active toddlers, freelance writer and blog consultant.

Catch me on my parenting blog- From Dominique's Desk (www.dominiquegoh.com)

Article Source: http://www.wahm-articles.com

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Should You Stay Home with Your Children?

This question of staying home with children has been around for years and years. One side says you do your children a disservice by isolating them at home with you and the other side says you are selfish to go to work to earn money leaving your children with day care workers.

My daughter read something a week ago that still has her upset today. She was reading a message board and a woman bragged that she was a stay at home mom. She felt she was somehow better than others because she was home. She spoke of sacrifices she was making in order to be home and how selfless these actions were.

She then went on to say that her children were wearing shoes that were too small for them, as she couldn’t afford to buy them new shoes.

It was this sentence that upset my daughter. We both know people who have feet and or leg problems and shoes that are too small are a health hazard to children.

This is where staying home might not be the best choice for children. If you can only afford rice and you can’t afford shoes and clothing, then I’m just not sure I can agree you are doing a service to your children staying home and not earning a paycheck.

There are so many options. You can work part time. You can work a shift opposite the other parent. You can look into a daycare in your home, watching other children in addition to watching your own. Do you know someone in direct sales? Offer to sub sell for them. There is no cost to you and you can get a commission on all sales you generate.

There are just too many options to have your children not eating properly and not wearing shoes that fit.

Being home and bonding with your children is wonderful but not at the high price of potential medical danger to them and their bodies.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Choosing a Summer Camp For Your Children

This is the time of year that summer camps often being having their applications available for registration.

As part of an article writing challenge I joined, I wrote the following article on choosing summer camps:

Summer camp has been one of the highlights of my daughter’s year each and every year. She began going to overnight summer camp when she was just ten years old. This past summer she was a counselor for other ten year olds for the entire summer.

My older daughter did not attend overnight camps, but instead loved the day camps. She went to day camps until she outgrew them, enjoying each and every summer.

There are many camp options available. Here is my list of what to look for:

If you are sending your kids to day camp, do the hours and days of the camp work for your schedule? If they don’t, does the camp offer before care and/or after care?

Whether a day camp or an overnight camp, does the camp have a reputation you are happy with? A few camps my daughters were interested in had received very poor recommendations.

What does an average day at camp look like? If you have a very active child and the activities are singing and art, this is not a good fit. On the flip side if you have a child that really dislikes sports and sports are offered three times per day, this again is not a good fit.

If the camp is an overnight camp, what are the rules about allowing kids to call home? My daughter has been at camps that do allow cell phones and camps that don’t allow cell phones.

For day camps, are snacks provided? How are lunches stored? It can get to over 100 degrees outdoors and that’s not ideal for a lunch to sit out.

For younger kids, is sun screen applied on a regular basis and are liquids offered throughout the day? These are important to your child’s health and well being.

What is the cost of the camp and if you need financial help do they offer scholarships? Camps have varying costs depending on activities.

Are field trips offered? We’ve had field trips offered at both day camps and at overnight camps. What type of transportation is offered on these trips and are the kids left alone at all? Depending on age, this could make or break having your child attend the camp. At age ten , I would not allow my child to be alone, but at age 16, it’s a very different situation.

If your child has any allergies or food restrictions, how will the camp handle those?

For an overnight camp, make sure to choose a length of stay that your child feels comfortable with. At the younger ages, sometimes six to ten days is plenty. When my daughter attended a camp in Washington D.C., four weeks was not long enough. Make sure your child is happy with the length he or she will be away.

Summer camps are a wonderful social experience for your child. By asking the above questions, you’ll pick a camp early on and not face already filled rosters.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Keeping Up With The Jones Family

I can not count the amount of times I heard from both of my kids “but so and so’s mom bought it for her”, or “but so and so’s mom said it was ok”. I think when children hit a certain age, this phrase automatically enters their vocabulary. For some reason, children think that if another parent has allowed something, this automatically means that all parents should allow it.

I can offer some suggestions to help combat the “but so and so’s mom said it’s alright:

1. Sometimes a discussion of the full picture is in order. For example, I remember being told that a particular child’s mom allowed a later curfew than I did. We then looked at the full picture. This mom also limited phone time, something I had not been doing. I actually asked my daughter if she wanted to stay out later in exchange for limited phone time for one week. Now the choice was hers. She decided to take the earlier curfew.

2. I really believe modeling what we teach is very important. One of my daughters would much prefer designer jeans over the jeans we always end up buying. While she can certainly tell me that so and so wears designer jeans, I can tell her that her own mom does not, and never did, and turned out just fine. As a mom I also do not rush to buy the latest fad being offered. So, when my daughter asks for the newest fad for herself I’m able to say no, and know that my actions match my words.

3. Sometimes our talks turn financial. If my child wants the latest fad, I make a suggestion that she contribute ½ the money. Very often this causes her to rethink how badly she wants the item. Sometimes I offer her the item in exchange for a month of doing the dishes nightly. Usually the item is not that important to be stuck doing dishes for an entire month.

Very seldom will I accept that so and so’s mom said it’s ok. I am not so and so’s mom and my child is not so and so. This friend called “so and so” has rules that perhaps we don’t have and I’m certain we have rules she does not have. I am very open to discussion and negotiation but not if they start with “so and so’s mom said it was ok”.

Helping Children Make Choices

As children grow up, it is important to allow them to make choices and to help them understand the various choices available to them.

If we don’t allow children to make choices and don’t help show children the many choices available, they grow up often feeling trapped in a corner, as they don’t know how to see their choices.

There is a world of difference between appropriate and inappropriate choices. I remember a friend wanting to go visit her mother in another state and saying to her 3 year old “do you want to go visit grandma?” The 3 year old said no.

If a trip is planned, the 3 year old can be told where he/she will be going, but the 3 year old really does not have a choice or a voice in the decision of going on a trip.

An appropriate question about the trip would be, “you may bring one stuffed animal with us on the trip, which one would you like to bring?” It would also be appropriate to say “we’ll be going swimming at Grandma’s house, do you want to bring your blue bathing suit or your green one?”

I’ve seen many parents engage in battle in a restaurant with children. A young child can not handle the choice of every item on the menu. As the parent, you know what your child does and does not eat. Give the child two choices. “Do you want chicken or a hamburger tonight?” Asking a young child “what do you want to eat tonight?” allows more choices than a young child can handle. And what if your child decides he/she wants pizza and pizza is not one of the menu choices? Even as adults we do not always have unlimited choices. Often we must make a choice from 3 or 4 options.

Getting dressed in the morning was never an issue in our home. From the time my kids were old enough to choose their own clothes, I allowed that choice. Sometimes what they chose matched and sometimes it did not. I never found a problem in allowing clothing choices.

If you see your child struggling in making choices, give them fewer choices. For example, asking the child which stuffed animal they want to bring may present more choices than the child can process. Offer two choices. The child will either pick from the two, or the child might say “I don’t like those choices, I actually see another choice, the brown bear, and that’s what I want”. This is great if the child sees another choice. Haven’t many of us as adults looked back and wished we’d seen a different option, but we didn’t see it until after the fact?

Fast forwarding to preteen and teen years, children can actually understand and discuss the consequences of their choices. An example is when two invitations come in for the same day/night. They have to choose. This is often a very difficult choice. Helping the child see the pros and cons of each side can help the child reach a decision. Or perhaps the child needs to make an elective choice at school. Again, helping the child see the pros and cons can help the child reach a decision. For example, perhaps the child is looking at taking a foreign language in junior high as an elective. However they really want journalism also. This again, is a tough choice. How will the two choices affect high school? Is either choice one that can be postponed one year? These are choices I would never make for my child. But rather I would help them look at all angles so that they could make the decision. One year my daughter had to choose between cheerleading and the school musical. Both needed her after school and she could only do one. This was an extremely hard decision for her to make. She really wanted both. Her choice was the musical. One of the consequences we spoke about was that the coach of the junior high team was very close friends with the coach of the high school team and often helped coach the high school team. We knew that in high school making the cheer squad might not happen as a result of this choice.

When we help kids understand the many choices they have on a day to day basis, they seldom feel trapped in the corner with no choices.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Helping Children with Homework

I think every parent out there has heard the phrase “I don’t get it” in reference to the homework assigned.

If you think back to when you were a child I would guess that like me, homework was not the way you wanted to spend your time. For me, if there was any way to get out of homework, I would look for that out.

Teachers do assign homework. Depending on grade and subject matter, many teachers assign homework 4 nights per week: Mon-Thurs. As children get into the upper grades there will also be weekend homework and school break homework.

As a parent, please remember that homework is an opportunity for children to practice the skills they’ve learned in the classroom. While there may be a time or two that the child needs a bit more instruction, most children should have a grasp of what they’ve been asked to do at home.

If the parent does the homework for the child, the child loses out on the practice and if the current lesson is used in a future lesson the child will fall even further behind in skills.

Communication with the teacher is essential. Ask the teacher how long the homework should take the child. In the lower grades, often 30 minutes is all that the homework should take. As the children get older this time will increase and of course when the child enters high school there will be homework from most classes most days.

Developing homework skills at a young age is what will help the student as they enter the higher grades and have more work that needs to be completed at home. You can help your child develop these homework skills by monitoring what they are doing. This does not mean nagging them or doing the homework for them, it means monitoring how long it takes them, if they seem to be grasping the concepts and then applying them to the work at home and if they are able to stay focused to complete the task.

If you believe there is a problem, go to the teacher. Work together to discover the best way to help your child. Does your child need a tutor? Does your child need to sit in the front of the class? Does your child have a vision problem and is not properly seeing the work in class?

As your child gets older they will not only have more homework, but eventually they will have jobs and other responsibilities in life. They need to learn the skills to get help when help is needed. Your doing their homework does not help them develop all of these necessary skills.

The next time your child says “I don’t get it”, ask more questions to find out what the real problem is.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Winter Activities For Teens and Tweens

With winter coming and tweens and teens being indoors more, we’ll be hearing a lot more “mom I’m bored.”

Over the years, there are so many indoor activities my kids have been involved in. I’d like to share some ideas:

Find a pen pal. My older daughter spent an entire year writing to people in several other countries. They exchanged stickers and a few other small trinkets. These were hand written letters that the two parties exchanged.

Work on a jigsaw puzzle. We have a table we’ve set up in our family room many times. We buy puzzles at garage sales and then work them together. We’ve gotten scenes from other countries and also very tough to work puzzles such as a box of chocolates.

Work crossword puzzles. My daughter increased her vocabulary tremendously doing crossword puzzles. She began with simple crossword puzzles and then continues working harder and harder puzzles. Today, no one in the family can beat her at word games.

Try new recipes. My kids have had so much fun looking for recipes online, shopping for the ingredients and then creating meals. There is no limit to what your tweens and teens can make. We are about to learn to make sushi in our home.

Create a family tree. I have started this many times but never finished. There are so many sites dedicated to genealogy research. Ask your teens to each trace back one half of their family.

Write a game show. This can be so much fun for teens to create and write their own game show. Invite over a few friends and then play the game after it’s completed.

Offer to help the seniors in your town. The winter months can be cold and more difficult for teens to get out and about. Can your teen market for a senior while you’re doing the family shopping? Can your teen help decorate a senior’s home for the holidays? Can your teen shovel snow or rake leaves for a neighborhood senior?

Learn a new language. There are many books and CD’s on the market today to help you learn a new language. Visit your local library to see what they have available.

Create a website. There are several free places to create websites. Learn HTML and have fun creating a website that is yours.

Decorate or redecorate your bedroom. Organize drawers and closets. Hang posters on the walls. Move the furniture around. Teens spend so much time in their bedrooms; this is a wonderful activity to make their room to their liking.

Sort the family photos. Create either photo albums or scrapbook albums with the family albums. You can sort by year, by season or even by person.

Enjoy some of these activities with your tween or teen this winter. Get them involved in activities to help those cold months slide on by.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Having Children Help with Laundry

Laundry is one of those chores that you’ll be doing all throughout your life. You produce laundry as an infant and you continue to produce laundry all through your adult life. I believe every adult, whether male or female, should know how to do laundry.

Even young children can help with laundry. Start with putting laundry baskets or laundry hampers in everyone’s rooms. Each person is responsible for putting their laundry into their own basket. When children are not quite old enough to do this chore, you can tell the child what you are doing and get them used to the fact that in their room is a laundry basket.

I separate clothes into a few piles. I have colored clothes, white clothes, towels and sheets. Children can help separate once laundry day has arrived. Here in California, it’s very common to have the washer and dryer in the garage. Only once have my laundry machines been inside the house.

In the garage I have 4 piles. Children can take the clothes out of their laundry baskets and put those clothes into the appropriate piles. This helps children learn that it might not be wise to wash white socks with dark blue jeans.

Once you measure the laundry soap, children can pour the soap into the machine. Depending on the age of the child, they might be able to measure the soap also.

When it’s time to put the clothes into the dryer, let the kids help. Are there items you don’t put into the dryer? The kids, depending on age, might be able to pull those clothes out for you.

Do you use dryer sheets? The kids can put the dryer sheets into the dryer and even turn the dryer on.

When the clothes are done being dried children should be able to help put them away. Every family has their own routine. Kids can sort socks. Kids can fold towels. Kids can hang shirts on hangers. Kids can put folded clothes into their dresser drawers.

My kids have been doing their own laundry since they were preteens. They have learned how to sort loads, read labels and remove stains.

Teach your kids at a young age how to help with laundry and you’ll cut your work load as they begin to take responsibility for their own laundry.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Tupperware Jel-Ring and Bowl Giveaway

Upate***

ReneeG has been notified she was the winner.

One of my favorite products is the Tupperware Jel Ring Mold. As part of the Bloggy Carnival, I'm giving away a Jel Ring mold along with a set of 4 Little Wonder Bowls.

This contest is open to anyone with a U.S. mailing address. You must be 18+ to enter.

To enter the contest, visit my Tupperware site at http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka and tell me your favorite product from the "new this month" section.

To receive a second entry follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/audreyokaneko Then post a second comment letting me know your user name on Twitter and that you're now following me.

For a third entry, blog about this contest and post with the URL to the entry. Contest ends at 11:59 p.m. pacific time on October 31st.

More giveaways at the Bloggy Giveaways Quarterly Carnival!

Good luck to everyone!!

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Halloween Recipes

I want to thank Tammy from http://www.cookin-at-home.com/ for todays information.

Candy Corn Cupcakes

Ingredients
2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 cup shortening
3/4 cup water
2 large eggs
3/4 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
4 ounces melted unsweetened baking chocolate
Candy corn
Halloween paper liners (get them at a party supply store)
Chocolate frosting

Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line cupcake pans with paper liners.Combine all ingredients into mixing bowl. Mix at low speed for 30 seconds, and scrape bowl. Mix at high speed for 3 minutes.Fill liners 1/2 to 2/3 full of batter. Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.

Cool 10 minutes in pans then remove from pan, and place on wire racks to cool completely.

Frost when chocolate cupcakes are completely cool.

Top with candy corn to make a smiley face

Biscuit Doughnut Treats

Ingredients
1 can of store bought biscuits
Vegetable oil
Deep fryer (sauce pan will work as well)
Chocolate frosting
Orange sprinkles

Directions
Pour vegetable oil in deep fryer. Plug deep fryer in to heat.

Find a small glass or something to cut the biscuits into doughnuts. Don't discard the holes.

Place 2 doughnuts into fryer at a time. Let brown on one side then flip them over. Deep fry until golden. Place doughnuts onto paper towel lined plate to drain access oil. Deep fry the rest of the doughnuts including the doughnut holes. When cooled, top doughnuts and holes with chocolate frosting. Top with orange sprinkles.

Black Forest Twinkie Delights

Ingredients
Hostess twinkies
White frosting
Empty food coloring bottle
Red, blue, and yellow food coloring
Orange sprinkles

Directions
Add one third of a bottle equal parts of red, blue and yellow food coloring to the empty bottle...in that order. Secure the lid on the bottle. Shake the black food coloring vigorously so it is mixed. Test the food coloring by putting a couple of drops into a small amount of white frosting. Mix the black food coloring into the white frosting thoroughly. If you find that the food coloring is not as dark as you like it, add a little more red food coloring to the mixture. Top the twinkies with the black frosting. Top with orange sprinkles.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Becoming a Step Parent

With the divorce and remarriage rate so high these days, there is a good chance that you just might find yourself a step parent.

I’d like to offer some tips on being a step parent:

Always remember that the child already has both a mom and a dad. Depending on the age of the children when you enter their lives, there is a good chance rules and guidelines are already established. It will help both you and the child if you support the current rules versus trying to create new rules.

Encourage the child(ren) to call you by your first name. Unless the circumstances are such that you’ll be adopting the child at a very young age and the other parent is not involved, don’t confuse and hurt the child by expecting to be called mom or dad. Should the child choose to call you mom or dad, that’s great, but until that time encourage them to call you by your first name.

Speak with the child about how they would like to be introduced. I have one friend with a step son and I did not know he was a “step” until very recently. She never distinguished him from her other children. She referred to all of the kids as “her kids” and introduced them all as “my kids”. I’ve seen other parents say “this is my daughter Amy and this is my step daughter Cindy”. Why make the distinction, unless the child has specifically asked you to?

Do not speak poorly of the child’s other parent, regardless of circumstances. You will put the child on the defensive and you will being eating away at the child’s own self worth each time you put down a parent that they believe they are a part of.

Encourage your step children to spend time alone not only with your spouse, but also with their other parent. The more a child sees your support of these relationships, the happier the child will be and the more they will see you as an ally, not an enemy.

Being a step parent is not easy and the family might need some assistance from a neutral party, such as a family counselor. Be willing to work hard at the relationship between you and your step children. Be willing to listen and be willing to make changes that will make family life together more enjoyable for everyone.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Are You An Over-Protective Mom?

As a mom to two girls I am well aware of each and every danger that is out there. However, I also strongly believe that if you have a tendency to be overprotective you are actually doing your children a grave disservice.

Part of growing up and part of becoming independent does involve making mistakes and does involve dealing with the consequences of those mistakes.

I’ve seen moms say that they won’t let their children ride a public bus. I believe at age 13 they should be allowed to figure out to take the bus and if need be, take the bus with an adult their first time. For those saying, “Oh but that’s too young,” when do you think they might be ready to take this step?

I’ve seen moms who really have strong influence over who their children choose to be friends with. The moms really manipulate the situation so their child can not play with the other child. While you as an adult may see something your child does not yet see, how will your child learn to see and recognize these things if you continue to make friend choices for him/her? If your child is 8 and you’re making these choices, at what age do you believe your child can make their own friend choices? As a teen there are a lot more things to consider and look for when choosing friends. If your child has not developed this skill earlier, they’re bound to make some poor choices as a teen.

I really once again want to stress I do understand the dangers out there. I just also know that if we don’t let out children make choices and realize the consequences of those choices, they never learn the skills.

What about going out with friends? Can your child go out on a school night? It’s ok to say no up to a point. At what age do you let them learn that going out on a school night and not getting enough sleep will result in poor concentration and poor performance the following day?

I can remember getting a phone call from another mom when my daughter was about 6. My daughter had done something to upset her child. While I agree 100% that my daughter was wrong, I also believe that the other child would have done much better to have her mom coach her on how to problem solve instead of her mother calling me. The only time I got involved was when a boy tried to light my daughter’s hair on fire. This was a situation that required adult intervention. If we don’t allow our children to work on relationship problems at age 6, how will they prepare for adulthood and all of their future relationships?

As I’ve stated, I have two kids of my own. I know how much there is to worry about. I also know that I want both of my kids to develop the skills and confidence to become independent, self sufficient adults.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

A Demonstration

I ran across something the other day that really did not sit right with me. I thought I’d share it here. A woman shared about her weekend. She told those reading that she had taken part in an anti abortion demonstration and had brought her kids. She shared how people said very mean and ugly things that her children had to endure.

I am the first to admit that the topic of abortion is very controversial. My issue was bringing children to this demonstration.

In the past, doctors have been killed over this issue. In the past, buildings have been destroyed and burned down over this issue. This is a very controversial issue.

I really can not understand bringing children into this intentionally. Why would a mother want to intentionally put her children into a situation where they will be verbally abused at a minimum?

I believe every person has the right to their opinion and I believe every person has a right to demonstrate if they so choose. Finally I believe in teaching children to speak up and be heard, however I just can not agree with intentionally bringing children into a hostile situation that in some instances has led to murder.

Anyone else have thoughts on this?

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

How to Help Young Children Learn to Budget

As an adult, I often meet other adults who struggle from paycheck to paycheck. When I engage in conversation, I find that many times this struggle is the result of not being taught to budget as a child.

I’d like to offer several suggestions on how you can help teach a young child both money management and budgeting:

Does your child enjoy buying lunch at school? Create a system/budget with them, where they are allowed to only buy 2 or 3 days per week. If they don’t buy that often, then make their budget for only 2 or 3 times per month. If you allow treats, allow money for them to buy a cookie or chocolate milk a few times. What this does is causes them to learn to make decisions with the money they have. They have to decide which meals they want to spend their allotment on. They have to decide which treat they want to purchase. They also learn that spending it all up front leaves them nothing the rest of the month. This is just a very simple exercise that even young children can learn from.

You can set up an allowance for your kids, making it clear what they are expected to buy for themselves. When you do this it teaches kids to save for the future and it teaches them that when they want something they will have to work and save for it, it won’t just come to them immediately upon wishing for it.

Take young children grocery shopping with you. Teach them how to comparison shop. Set the example of looking at prices of various brands and making comparisons between the large size and the smaller sizes. Spend time clipping coupons and using them. Again, this teaches children to look for savings and to invest time to save money.

Let children help with dinner. For example, give your child a reasonable budget to be in charge of dessert. Allow them to make the choice with their budget. Allow another child to be in charge of the main course and a third child to be in charge of side dishes. Young children begin to see how budgeting and shopping wisely can lead to savings.

These are all activities that can help you to teach your young children the value of money. As parents I think we all want our children to be financially independent as adults and these tips can help you get to that point.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Children and Computers

I recently read a piece on the dangers of children and the internet. The article was very strong in keeping children away from computers and not allowing children to become reliant on ease of computer research.

I actually see things very differently. I think computers are a wonderful piece of equipment for children. I’d like to share my thoughts on how computers can help children.

As a child, I was not good at geography. Today, the internet can provide maps for the entire world. You can view any country, any continent or any one city. Each of us learns differently. For me, seeing the flat map in the history book did not help me learn. With the internet and being able to see maps with bordering countries was a wonderful way to finally understand it all. It allows me to put things into perspective when I can see how other countries compare in size to the U.S. You just can’t get this perspective from one page in a text book.

While math and I were great friends when I was in school, this is not the case for all children. Today, children do not need to spend hours in agony learning formulas that often they’ll never use again. Every computer I’ve seen has a basic calculator and you can search online for more advanced problem solving.

Over the years, both of my kids knew other kids who passed up opportunities to go to overnight camp fearful of not knowing anyone there. Today, camps are forming online groups so the kids can all meet online and chat online before they ever arrive at camp. Once camp is over the kids can email and instant message one another. When I was a teen, we had to hand write letters and postal mail them.

When kids need to do research, there are no limits. When I was a kid, I was limited by what encyclopedias were available at the local library and how current those books were. Today, our children can access up to the minute research from hundreds of sources.

While I can certainly see the downsides to computer usage, such as not learning basic math functions and relationships that both start and end online, I do believe that the pros far outweigh the cons.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Gift Ideas For Teachers

Each year we all struggle with what to get our children’s teachers both in December and again at the end of the school year. Here are 8 ideas that I have used over the years with the teachers of my own kids.

1. Gift certificates from Starbucks, the local bookstore, the local stationary store, office supply store, or a local coffee shop, I’ve always been thanked profusely for all of these, and a few teachers have even told me they appreciate this over the teacher coffee mug they get every single year.

2. A basket with pens, pencils, erasers and other small classroom items. Teachers go through dozens of these items each school year. It’s wonderful when a parent helps replenish the supply.

3. One year we went to Costco and bought boxes of snack foods. We then bought small boxes and gave each teacher a basket filled with snack foods. We included peanuts, a couple of candy bars, small cans of Pringles potato chips, fruit snacks and a couple of bottles of water.

4. If you know the teacher enjoys giving small candies, like chocolate kisses to the class, buy a jar and a huge bag of kisses from Costco. Often, when teachers offer this, the candy is paid for by the teacher. What a treat to have a parent buy the candy that will last at least a semester.

5. If you know the teacher is a coffee drinker, a ½ pound or even a full pound of gourmet coffee is a great treat. If you know the teacher is a tea drinker, an assortment of teas can make a nice gift.

6. If you know the teacher has a specific hobby, a gift certificate to a store selling items related to that hobby is always appreciated.

7. Board games are always appreciated by teachers who teach younger children. Over the years, pieces are lost, or broken. Replacing those older items is always welcome.

8. We’ve had teachers over the years that keep an “Items Wanted” list. This list includes “extra” goodies that the teacher does not have the budget for, but would love in his/her classroom. Throughout the year, as folks move, spring clean etc, families will donate items on that list. Usually these items are used. How special to get a brand new item, that is on the list, so you know the teacher wants the item. Sometimes teaming up with a few other families will allow you to buy a new bookcase, a set of books the teacher wants, or even throw pillows for the floor for the younger children to sit on.

Next time, instead of buying a mug, a ceramic apple or even lotion/aftershave, consider the above items, items a teacher can truly use and will appreciate.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

MommysClub

As parents, it’s always wonderful to find new resources to make our lives just a bit easier and less stressful. MommysClub (www.mommysclub.com) does all of that and more.

MommysClub is divided into several helpful sections. There is a recipe section, a kids craft section and several articles and tips. I'm also told there personalize letters to Santa for those who celebrate Christmas.

If you’re looking for a message board community, MommysClub offers a community with over 20 different boards to post on and find others you have something in common with.

If you are a work at home mom, MommysClub has a rep of the month section and a home business section.

The owner of MommysClub is Cathy Reay. Cathy is present on the site almost daily and continues to add new sections, bring in new ideas and provide a wonderful hangout for all women.

Stop by and say hello to Cathy.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Should Children Receive An Allowance?

This is a very controversial topic. You’ll find experts who believe an allowance offers many benefits to the child and you’ll find experts who don’t believe an allowance sends the right message.

I’m on the side of not giving allowance, at least not for everyday household chores. Each of us has a responsibility to help out by doing dishes, putting away groceries and making sure things are picked up regularly.

When extra’s are such as window washing or lawn mowing are done, I think it’s awesome to have a set amount that’s paid.

In the case of an allowance for chores done, what happens if the chore is not done? How much do you deduct each time a full trash can is not taken out? Or how much do you deduct if only part of a room gets cleaned?

In the case of the extra chores it’s a simple case of if you do the job, you get paid and if you don’t do the job, there’s no extra/disposable income this week.

So, how do you decide how to finance your child’s movie money or ice cream money or iPod money?

My kids are older now. When they were tweens and teens, what worked was I mostly said yes to reasonable requests as long as chores were normally done, grades were kept up and rules were followed. For something like an iPod, I’d offer to pay one half. These types of purchases were not allowed on a regular basis. And remember there are always extra chores for extra income.

We did do a clothing allowance. We added up what I tended to spend in a given year and divided it by 12 months. Each month I added a certain amount to this clothing allowance. They then could buy their own clothes. If they chose a pair of designer jeans over the less expensive brands, this was their choice, however that might mean no new shoes for the year. Again, their choice. This absolutely teaches choices and budgeting, without the added deductions for chores not done.

Decide what message you want to give to your children regarding allowance and then set up a system that works for your family.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Spending Time With Your Teenage Daughter

If your kids are like mine, then spending time in their room, on the phone, or on the computer instant messaging is their idea of a great time.

Here are many activities I’ve participated in with my teens over the years:

Starbucks – My daughter would do this daily if I said yes. We will buy our coffees and then sit and chat. No more taking them home, as home means either on the phone or on the computer.
Walks – We have some great paths where I live. I invite my younger daughter to join me at least a couple of times a week on a walk.
Renting Movies – We go to Blockbuster and my daughter gets to choose what we watch. We can’t always finish the movie in one night, so often we’ll watch it over two nights.
Plays – My daughter loves plays. We have gone to many junior high, high school and college plays. We do catch an occasional adult performance also, but often our attendance is at a student production.
Cooking – My daughter loves to bake. We’ll often bake cookies or brownies that she can take to school the next day.
Shopping – What teenage girl does not like to shop? We know every store in our town and two towns over.
Crafts – We love to crochet and scrapbook. We try to find one night a week or sometimes one night every other week that we can scrapbook. My daughter works on her album and I work on mine. We are together, sharing and laughing.
Old Sitcoms – We really enjoy old sitcoms. We joined Netflix and will rent old sitcoms like Friends, Laverne and Shirley and others.
Lunch Out – A few times a year, the high school has minimum days. I work my schedule so that when I pick my daughter up from school we can go have lunch together.
Garage Sales and Flea Markets – My older daughter loves to get up on Saturday mornings and hit the local garage sales. We leave about 7:45 a.m. and get back about noon. Often we’ll stop and have lunch as part of the day.
Open Houses – One of my daughters loves to visit open houses on the weekends and see what’s for sale and view the many floor plans available.

I believe it’s important to spend time with your teenage daughter, and so I’ve found many creative ideas to help them say yes.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Talking Ethics With Your Children

Children watch their parents. Children often model their own behavior based on what they see their parents do.

Very recently a woman faced an ethical dilemma and didn’t know what to do. Her daughter is in high school and has a friend. The friend’s mom lied about their address so that her daughter could attend the school. The first woman was very torn on what to do because she did not want her own daughter to accidentally spill the beans or to be asked to lie.

These situations happen daily. Our children are faced with ethical decisions they need to make. They will base their decisions on what has been modeled to them.

Discuss ethics with your child from the time they are young. Ask questions that cause them to think about what they might do in a given situation. Often there are no right or wrong answers, but there is a lot of room for discussion.

Ask your young child what he/she would do if they saw another child take away a toy from a child playing with that toy. Would they step in? Would they tell an adult? Would they ignore the situation completely?

Ask your school age child what he/she would do if they saw another student copying their friend’s paper. This might be a test or it might be homework. Would they turn in the cheater? Would they say something to the cheater? Would they mind their own business?

Ask your high schooler what they would do if they knew someone had been drinking and that person wanted to then drive. Or what would they do if they knew a friend was sneaking out at night behind their parents’ back?

These are all questions of ethics. Different families will find answers to these questions in different places.

I believe it is so important to role play like this over the years so that when faced with ethical decisions your child has a base for making these types of decisions.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Letting Your Tween Wear Makeup

For most of us with daughters, we’ll face the junior high dilemma of whether or not we should allow our almost teenaged daughters to wear makeup.

This is one of those “pick your battles” issues. There was no moral or ethical reason for me to say no when my daughter approached me at age 11 asking to wear makeup. She had just entered 7th grade and was not yet 12.

As I spoke to other moms, I discovered that almost every one of them had faced the same decision.

Most of the girls were saying the same thing “mom all of the girls are wearing makeup.” While I’m not fond of being told what other moms are or are not doing, I knew that saying yes would help her feel a bit more “part of the group” at a time when kids are really struggling with who they are and where they fit in.

It’s so hard to think of our daughters as “grown up.” Makeup for them is such a sign of maturity.

I said yes with some limits. I did not want dark colored lipsticks. I did not want thick eyeliners.

We began with lip gloss, not lipstick. We also bought some foundation and some mascara.

While a bit young, teaching young girls about skin care and makeup can be beneficial. These girls develop life long cleansing habits from their junior high make up experiences.

Another benefit of allowing your daughter to wear makeup is teaching her about creating a budget and allowing her to make decisions on her own based on her makeup budget.

My own daughter began looking for makeup coupons and looking for sales so she could get the most for her money.

For me, the makeup dilemma was an easy decision. She actually tired of wearing makeup within the year and was onto other junior high issues.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Healthy Choices For After School Snacks

Healthy Choices For After School Snacks
By: Tammy Embrich

What do kids do when they get home from school? They go for the kitchen for a quick snack. They grab whatever looks good to them. And they usually don't think "healthy."

It's in a child's nature to pick out junk foods. Junk foods that are high in sugar as well as fat. Unless of course, they are used to eating healthy and making healthier choices. But...if your child is not eating healthy and constantly grabbing for the cookie jar or their favorite candy bar, then it's time to make some changes.

These unhealthy habits can lead to serious health issues when they grow to be adults. In fact, it can significantly affect them when they are still children. It's a well-known fact that parents stocking healthier food choices can contribute to slowing the epidemic of obesity in their children.

So Moms and Dads...let's make those changes. Restock your kitchen and substitute those chips, candies, and cookies with much healthier snacks.

Below are some examples of healthful after school snacks:
* Peanut butter on whole wheat crackers or celery
* Fresh fruits, applesauce, dried fruits
* Veggies and low-fat dip
* Granola bars
* Fruit smoothies
*Rice cakes
* Slice of veggie pizza
* Frozen yogurt

It would be a good idea to get your kids involved to help you with this list and even to help prepare these snacks to avoid the junk foods. Try and make these from scratch if you can. This will give the kids more of an incentive to eat healthy.

Here is one that most kids will like:

Homemade Peanut Butter

Ingredients
1 1/2 c. unsalted peanuts
1 tbsp. peanut oil
2 tbsp. honey

Directions

Mix peanuts, honey, and oil and pour mixture into a food processor. Process until mixture is very smooth. Store the peanut butter in the fridge. It should be good stored for two weeks.

Try and be creative with different kinds of foods and dips. The idea is to try and make it as fun as possible for your children so that they will WANT to eat more healthier.

Your kids will thank you later in their lifetime for these changes. Also...remember to set a good example and eat healthy foods yourself!

Article Written By Tammy Embrich

Tammy owns and operates two work at home websites, a work at home forum, a recipe site and three blogs. She offers free work at home job leads for the job seeker, business work at home articles, tips, and more. You can visit Tammy at Work At Home Jobs and Parent Zone.

Putting Children To Bed At Night

Many parents tell me of daily struggles both at nap time and at bedtime. I was very fortunate. When my kids were young we did not have a lot of struggles. I did not force naps and bed time was really bedroom time, not necessarily sleep time.

If you’re child is fighting you at nap time, you have to evaluate the purpose of the nap. Is the nap to give you a break or is the nap because the child is tired? If the child is tired and does indeed need the sleep, then a wind down routine with some soft music, some quiet activity may be all that’s needed for the child to go to sleep. Just as we (the adults) can not come home and immediately fall asleep, neither can a child. They too need some time to wind down.

If the child is overtired, helping them fall asleep is even more difficult. On those days, I would always put very soothing music on, in the car and would even sometimes drive a bit further than necessary to help calm my child down.

By age 2, neither of my kids took naps anymore. Taking a nap would mean they were up until 11pm at night and I did not want them up that late. At school both of my kids were allowed to engage in quiet play during the nap time. If they did fall asleep at home, I would wake them after one hour. Again, I wanted them to be able to sleep at night.

What if you need a break? What if nap time is one of the only breaks you get? Keep the naps short, no more than an hour. A childless hour can do wonders to rejuvenate a tired mom. Trade play dates with another mom for an hour per day. Use that hour for YOU. Don’t clean house. Instead do something for you. It might mean reading a book. It might mean working on the quilt you’ve been working on for the last 6 months. Use the time for you, so that when you reunite with your child, you are once again rejuvenated.

Nighttime routines are going to vary according to the child. One of my daughters was quick to fall asleep at night. She was tired. My other daughter was not tired. She did not require as much sleep. She used to read for an hour in bed before going to sleep. This did the trick. I wanted her in her room by 8:30, but she wanted to be up until 9:30. Having her read that hour gave both of us what we wanted.

What activities, very quiet activities can your child do in their room before bed? If they don’t wish to read, what about a jigsaw puzzle? The idea is to slow down and be ready to go to sleep. If your child falls asleep on the floor, that’s ok, when you go to bed, pick them up and put them into their bed.

Try different techniques to make bed time a pleasant time, not a struggle time.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

A Blog Carnival

Blog carnivals are so much fun. You get to meet lots of other moms and view some wonderful blogs.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

A Few Parenting Tips

As parents we all need to occasionally be reminded of what we can do to be the best parents to our children. Below is a list of five of my favorite tips:

1. Listen to your child. My idea of listening is very different than many other peoples. When I say listen, I mean truly listen. Let your child do the talking. This is not the time to voice your opinion. This is not the time to tell your child they handled something wrong, or should have handled it differently. This is time to just listen to your child. I have a very special 5 year old who comes to visit me from time to time. A few times when she’s come she’s been very upset. When someone at school says something mean, this is very traumatic to a 5 year old. I just listen and offer hugs. Often when she leaves, she is smiling. I then have a 16 year of my own. When she talks, I listen. I let her tell me what’s happening, how she solved the situation and how she feels about how she handled everything. This is listening.

2. When helping children recognize the differences between the choice they made and other choices, always talk about the choices, or the behavior, never talk about the child. The child is not good or bad or right or wrong. However a child might have made a choice that was not a great choice. Or the child might have made a choice that was just excellent. With a very young child, they might decide to pull a dogs tail. It’s important to stop the behavior but to also talk about the behavior not that the child was “wrong”. When we pull a dogs tail, the dog just might bite us. However, with the owner’s permission, it’s great to pet the dog on his back. With a teenager, maybe they are making a choice to watch t.v. and not do homework. Talk about the behavior. Talk about the future. Don’t tell the child they’re wrong in their choice. Instead talk about the behavior and understand why they are making the choice to not do homework.

3. Be consistent. This is so important. Children need very clear guidelines. If a behavior is not ok on Monday, but ok on Tuesday, children become uncertain and confused. If they must wash their hands before eating, then make sure this happens every single time. If you are in a restaurant, you can use the restroom there to wash hands. If you are at a friend’s home, you can use the restroom there to wash hands. By being consistent it will be habit for the kids to wash their hands before eating. If your child is not allowed to jump on the couch, then there must be consequences every single time he/she jumps on the couch. When you are consistent, your children recognize that what you say is the way it is. They trust you. I know it sounds “weird” but when you are inconsistent, children don’t trust what you say. They know that your word might or might not be true.

4. Allow your child to make choices. Choices build a child’s self esteem and self confidence. With a very young child, allow them to choose their own outfit. Allow them to choose what toy to play with. Allow them to choose which book to read. With an older child, allow them to help choose which foods to serve with a meal. Allow them to choose their own clothes at the store. Allow them to begin developing their own routines of when to do homework, when to talk on the phone, and when to watch t.v. When we allow our children to make choices, we are helping them develop their own self confidence.

5. Spend time with your children doing what they want to do. Spending time with your child is so important. Having you, their parent, involved in the activity they’ve chosen can lead to a non stop smile on your child’s face. Does your 3 year old want to go to the park? Go, have fun. Does your 5 year old want to go to McDonalds? Go, grab a diet coke and watch your child smile. Does your teenager want to go to the mall? Go, enjoy the time together. Children want to be with mom and dad.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

How to Help the Child Who Does Not Like to Read

As parents we all recognize the importance of reading, but what do you do when your child just does not like or enjoy reading? Here are several ideas and tips I found over the years.

Magazines are a wonderful way to help your child enjoy reading. My daughter loved fashion and beauty magazines. She would spend hours reading the articles and tips. Over the years, several teachers allowed her to count her magazine reading and write her reports on articles she found in magazines. If you have a child that is not enjoying reading, talk to the teacher and see if magazine reading is an acceptable alternative.

Read to your child as they follow along. I remember as an adult I met a 14 year old boy through a teen community I worked for online. He once told me that his mother still read to him. I asked him about this routine. He said he loved hearing his mom read to him and it gave him and his mom great quality time together. He had a younger sister and his mom read to her each night, so after putting her to bed she would come spend time with her son and they would read together. He chose the books and she would read. This got her involved in his favorite books and this allowed him to comprehend the book without him actually reading it. He told me that often after hearing his mom read the book, he would go back and reread the section they had read last night.

Buy a craft kit or model airplane kit and have your child read the instructions to put it together. This again is a wonderful way to spend quality time with your child while helping them enjoy reading. The end results are wonderful as they have not only read the instructions and followed them, but in the end you have a wonderful product you can use, hold or display.

Cook together, with your child reading the instructions. There is no incentive like brownies, cookies, or even lasagna. The catch is the child has to help read and prepare the food. My daughter has spent hours pouring through and reading cookbooks. We’ve also spent hours online looking at, reading and printing recipes. Young children can help measure, pour and mix. Older children can help shop for the foods, read the labels and make sure you have the right ingredients.

Crossword puzzle books, word find books and logic puzzle books are wonderful for older kids. I have also seen very simple word find books for younger children. Not only does your child have to read the words in word find books but then they have to find the words hidden amongst other letters. As my kids got a little older they used to create their own word find puzzles. We would make the grid on the computer. They would then create a word find based on a theme. They’d write the words, insert the words into the grid and then use the remaining letters of the alphabet as fillers. It was always fun for them to make sure they used every letter of the alphabet at least once or twice.

Does your child like comic books? Again, this might be an area where you can negotiate with a teacher. Can your child write a report on the theme of the comics? Can your child share any lessons learned from the comics? Can your child write a report about the characters in the comic book? How does the character dress? What are some of the personality traits of the character? What criteria is the child using to determine the personality traits?

When you have a child that does not like to read, it’s time to get creative and try some of the above ideas or others you may have to interest your child in written words.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Helping Your Children Organize Their Bedrooms

How many times have you heard “mom I don’t know where to put this?” My kids also love the phrase “my closet is too full”. I’d like to share some tips on helping your child organize their room.

Closets – Whenever you buy new clothes, get rid of some old clothes. Children grow and clothing through usage wears out. Even though my kids say “but I wear everything”, when we really go through their closets, we always find clothes that either don’t fit or are worn out. If they group like items, they’re much more likely to be able to find what they’re looking for. Group all their shirts together, all their pants together etc. We use plastic storage bins for the shelf in their closets. These bins are clearly labeled so that we can see exactly what’s inside. I don’t mind stacked bins as long as the bins are labeled and kept organized. The floors of their closets are used mostly for shoes and backpacks. I don’t mind buying new shoes, but the same rules apply to shoes that apply to clothes, we need to throw out what doesn’t fit and what has worn out.

Bookcases – We have lots of bookcases in our house. I probably have more than the kids. I really like bookcases. However, bookcases are a haven for clutter and items we just don’t know what to do with. Usually once a month or so, we all choose a few shelves and we go through them, getting rid of those items we no longer need and putting away the items we believe we do still need. Old books need to be given away, sold online or traded in at the used bookstore. Once you’ve read the book, unless you truly believe you’ll read it again, it needs to go. There are exceptions like the Harry Potter series. We have every book in the series and I’m certain those will be passed down to the next generation. This is the exception to the rule and we don’t have a lot of exceptions. Some schoolwork can be saved but most of it can be recycled. There are not a lot of papers that are needed for the next year. If you have long essays, yes, save them. They took a lot of work and we’re all proud of the work done. However, pieces of paper from homework, old tests etc. are only necessary if they’ll be used to study for a future exam. At the end of the school year those items need to be tossed, less the essays we already spoke about. If you keep the bookcases clear of the clutter, you can almost always find what you’re looking for and even display your knickknacks in a way that you’ll be able to enjoy them.

Night stands – Both of my kids have night stands. They have a clock and other assorted stuff on the top. It’s the drawers I want to see kept organized. I personally keep a pair of glasses, tissues and a few other things in my drawer. Both of my girls wear glasses. I believe that drawer is the perfect place to keep their glasses. Though they wear contacts, they need their glasses when they wake up in the morning. That drawer is also a great place to keep your current reading book and your journal. These are items you might want when you are in bed.

Under the Bed – Have you looked under your child’s bed recently? I am always amazed at what my younger daughter tries to store under there. I’ve found old books, old clothes, one shoe and even old food. Of course I’ve told her many times that none of this is ok. Today, they make many storage bins that slide in right under your bed. These are great for storing off season clothing or other items you absolutely want to keep but don’t use year round. I’m actually ok with big bulky current year text books hanging out under the bed, as long as it’s a temporary storage situation.

If you can keep these 4 areas organized, you’re well on your way to having a room where most everything can be found and enjoyed.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Use Encouragement Not Criticism to Help Children Improve

Zig Ziglar, an internationally known motivational speaker, has said "When we have positive input, we have positive output, and when we have negative input, we have negative output."

Our words are very powerful tools, especially with impressionable children. We need to pause and think before we give corrections and feedback on what our children are doing.

Criticism is punitive

Our children judge themselves on the opinions we have of them. When we use harsh words, demeaning adjectives or a sarcastic tone of voice, we literally strip a child's core of self-confidence and make them less likely to try to please us. Studies have shown that verbal abuse is more likely than physical abuse to damage children’s self esteem. Not only does it damage their soul, it is counter productive to cooperation and lasting change.

Encouragement is uplifting

Encouragement is the process of focusing on your children's assets and strengths in order to build their self-confidence and feelings of worth.Parents need to convey though words and gestures that we appreciate their efforts and improvement, not just their accomplishments. We need to make sure they understand that our love and acceptance is not dependent on their behavior or winning the prize in soccer.

Encouragement Works

As a parent educator, mother and grandmother, may I suggest that you need to be very careful of the words you choose to motivate your children? It helps if you break up the word to read "en" courage, which means giving a gift of courage: the courage to keep trying, to keep up the good work, to focus on next time and not give up. This courage helps the child realize that they can make mistakes and they will still be loved and valued. Where as "dis" courage or criticism takes away the courage to try new things or work harder for fear of getting in trouble and displeasing the adults.

What choices could you make next time?

Help the child and yourself recognize that mistakes are never final and frequently we get a "do-over" or a second chance. The past is done; we can learn from it and then focus on the future

Thank you for doing a great job

Those of you working with children on a daily basis do the most important work in the world. I applaud your efforts and "en" courage you to choose your words carefully when you want the children you care for to improve their behavior. Words have the power to build up or destroy. As caring adults, the goal is to strengthen the character of the child as well as get the jackets, bikes, toys, etc. picked up on a consistent basis.

A Free Gift For You

Judy H. Wright also known as Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author, would like to give you a Free eBook on communicating with positive results. You can find it at www.UseEncouragingWords. You are also invited to free teleclasses every Thursday on enhancing relationships. To check the schedule, please go to www.ArtichokePress.com

Article Source: http://www.wahm-articles.com

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Helping Your Child Off to College

Today's post is for all those with college bound kids.

When our children enter high school, though we think about them eventually going off to college, we know it’s still a long 4 years away. We know we must first survive those teen years.

Then all of a sudden, the acceptance letters start coming in and our children are faced with choosing which school they wish to attend of those they were accepted to.

As the summer moves on, it’s time to help our college bound teenager begin packing.

So what are some of the must have’s for college?

1. A computer. We found that the kids that did not have their own computers most certainly were at a disadvantage. While the library does have computers, during peak times, it’s very difficult to find a free computer. Knowing a computer is a necessity, it is my recommendation that you begin saving the day your child enters high school. If you save $25 per month over the four years your child is in high school, you’ll have $1200 plus interest at the end of the four years. This will go a long way in helping your child purchase that necessary computer.

2. Bedding. If your child is going to live in the dorm, they will need bedding appropriate for a dorm room. The dorms both of my daughters have been in had long beds. These long sheets can often be found at either Walmart or Target. Contact the housing office and ask ahead of time what size sheets you’ll need. Remember your child at home. Their bedroom was their own personal haven. Help them pick items for their college room that will make their room a haven away from home. I made my daughter an afghan to take with her when she left for school. She still has that afghan today.

3. Bathroom supplies. Think of your teens’ bathroom at home. My daughter who lives at home has a blow dryer, a curling iron, makeup and a whole cabinet full of supplies. Whether your child lives in a dorm, or shares an apartment, they will be sharing a bathroom with others. Help them buy supplies and storage units that will hold everything they want to have with them at school. We searched at Target for storage units that could be carried back and forth between dorm room and bathroom. Consider what towels your teen is going to need. How often do they think they’ll do laundry? How many towels will they need to tide them over between laundry days? Go through their bathroom at home and determine what items can be left, what should be thrown away and what should be packed to take to school.

4. A cell phone is pretty standard these days for those in college. My own daughter has never had a telephone in her room at college or the apartments she’s shared with others. When I was college age, I remember the phone bill coming each month and everyone arguing over who made which calls and then trying to determine how much sales tax each person should pay. Today, the college kids use cell phones. Most plans have free long distance, making cell phone use the ideal way to communicate.

5. Kitchen Supplies. Even when my daughter was on a meal plan at school she still had both a microwave and a small refrigerator. She could store water and leftovers in the refrigerator and the microwave could cook a just purchased t.v. dinner and also heat up leftovers. These were really the only two “kitchen supplies” my daughter had her freshman year. When she moved into a dorm suite the next year, there was now a shared kitchen. She wanted some supplies of her own, so she was not always using someone else’s silverware, plates and cups. We bought some very basic utensils. We shopped at Target, buying very inexpensive supplies, knowing if they got lost or misplaced, we could easily replace them. Remember, this is home to your college student. Helping make them feel at home is the goal. There are many storage units designed for kitchen supplies. Buy a small storage unit that your student’s silverware and dishes can be stored in.

These are some of the basic must have’s for going to college. Consider sending a gift card with your student to purchase those items you may have forgotten or not considered. Sometimes you don’t always know what you need until you get there. If there is a Walmart, or Target, or K-Mart, buy a gift card that your student can use. Help them create their home away from home.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Does Your Child Forget His/Her Homework?

With school starting again soon, I thought I'd share this article I wrote on homework.

I used to get at least one phone call per week from my daughter. She was just frantic. She had left her homework at home and needed me to rush it over to her at school.

On the weeks she remembered her homework each day, I would get a phone call that she had forgotten her lunch and could I please bring her lunch to her as she had no money to buy lunch.

I did bail her out for a while. Then I decided it was time for her to take full responsibility and live with the consequences if she did forget something.

I worked with her to develop systems that I hoped would help eliminate these frantic phone calls and would aid her in remembering all of her materials for school.

In the evening we would develop a check list of everything she needed the next day. This list would include all homework items, along with any books needed. Often a free reading book was needed in class. We would add this to our list. Our list also included lunch, jacket and anything else that was needed the next day.

We then put this note on the front door. We had to leave through the front door in the morning so we put the note where I knew we’d see it. A quick glance at the list would tell my daughter if she had everything she needed.

We then began a day planner. As she went through her day she would write down not only homework assignments but also what items she needed to bring home from school. If she wrote down her math homework, but left the book at school, she could not complete the homework. It was her responsibility to check her day planner to make sure she had everything she needed to bring home. With this day planner, she also knew exactly what her assignments were. No more calling friends to find out what the homework was.

We also put money in her backpack that would cover the cost of one lunch. So, should she forget her lunch at home, she always had the money to buy lunch at school.

We also developed a packing list for spending the night at a friend’s house. Again, it never failed that something was left at home, either a gift, if it was a party, or a pillow or maybe a toothbrush. This packing list made it a snap to throw everything into a duffle bag and not leave something behind.

Checklists and a day planner took us from several calls in a month for forgotten items to almost never forgetting anything at home, or at school.

Audrey :)
http://mytuppereware.com/audreyoka

Making a Connection with Your Teen

Last month, I picked my daughter up from school and as we were driving home, I noticed the car in front of us. There were 4 teens in the car, all smoking, only one window partially cracked.

I proceeded to let my daughter know just how horrible this was. I told her I couldn’t believe these kids were riding in a closed up car all smoking etc. When I finally finished my rant, my wonderful daughter looked me square in the face and said “mom tell you never did that as a teen”. I think it took the two of us 10 minutes to quit laughing. I had one of my momentary forgetting I was ever a teen moments.

Often we can make a connection with our teens if we remember that we too were teens once and share those stories with our kids. Of course I rode in a car with everyone smoking. Of course I cut a class now and again. Of course I had times I did not turn in homework. Sharing funny stories about our own teen years is a wonderful way to connect with our own children.

I have also always taken an interest in the hobbies my children have become involved in. My older daughter took up baseball. She began collecting baseball cards. I really wanted to connect with her so I began collecting football cards. Yep, there I was a 30 year old woman starting my own football card collection. She and I would visit card shops. We would attend card exhibits. We had a blast each creating our own albums.

My younger daughter loves the theater. I make it a point to watch for local performances. When I find them, I offer to buy tickets so that we can attend the various plays in our community. We recently attended a junior high school version of Fiddler on the Roof. The kids were magnificent. My daughter and I had a delightful time.

This is the same daughter that took up cheerleading. We used to attend sports games just so she could watch the cheerleaders and then create routines. These were all wonderful opportunities to connect with one another.

These are just a few ways to connect with your teenager. Look for ways to connect with your teen based on their likes and hobbies. While you may not be able to pick them up and hold them anymore, you now are able to spend quality time and create memories that will last both of you a lifetime.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

$25 American Express Gift Card

As moms, who wouldn't love an additional $25? Rebekah from SmartMoms is giving away $25. You can read about her offer here http://www.the-day-of-a-mom.com/2008/08/work-at-home-mom-forum-25-giveaway.html

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka

Children Love Routine

One of the reasons children will sing the same song over and over again is because they love routine.

Think of a preschool classroom. The children follow the same routine every day. They begin with hellos and independent play. Children know that day after day when they arrive they will have time to play. My own children hated the phrase “we are running late” when we were getting ready to leave for preschool. They wanted that play time.

From play time the kids move to circle time. For both of my kids, in two different schools, this was the morning routine, play time then circle time.

Now think of elementary school. The children quickly learn the classroom routine. Their papers are turned in at the same place daily. This might be the teacher’s desk, or it might be a bin in the back of the room, but for the entire year, the kids know that when they need to turn in papers they go in the same spot as yesterday. My kids knew which day of the week was library day, which day of the week was computer lab day and which day of the week the science specialist would visit their classroom.

I can even share a junior high routine story. At the junior high my kids attended, the kids had 6 classes each day. They had four before lunch and two after lunch. Once each semester the kids would have a “backwards day”. All this meant was that the kids would attend their classes in reverse order. My kids loved this day. They wrote down their schedules, planned how they would get from class to class and talked on the phone for hours with their friends about this day. Even at junior high age, our kids are so accustomed to routine that breaking the routine for one day caused days of planning. Yes, it was fun, but it was reason for kids to plan ahead.

If preschool, elementary school and junior high school feel it’s important for a routine, wouldn’t it seem natural to try and have a routine at home? While we certainly can and do make spur of the moment decisions, we also have always had a lot of routine. For example, we leave the house at the same time every morning for school. There is never any question about what time we’ll be leaving. I’m going to ask every single morning if everyone has everything they need as there is no turning around. I’m going to ask what everyone wants for breakfast and lunch each and every morning. I’ll make everyone different sandwiches, and then stick in fruit, chips or a granola bar.

Dinner routines are also pretty standard in our home. We eat dinner about the same time every single night. After dinner, it’s homework time. When kids know what to expect and when to expect it, it takes a lot of stress out of their lives. There is no uncertainty about when or how things will happen.

Sport practices and dance classes can be part of the routine. If the kids know they practice on Tuesday of every week and when they get home, they will change and then have dinner, then homework, it’s a routine. It may be different than Monday’s routine but the kids know what to expect each and every week.

I have found that routines have helped create some calm in our home with everyone being a little less stressed.

Audrey :)
http://mytupperware.com/audreyoka